Scarleteen

I am a 21 year old bisexual woman who is really into this girl I work with. I might even be in love with her because she is all I think about 24/7. I always look for her when I know she is at work. Whenever she talks to me, my day just gets a whole lot better. I love talking to her. She has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, they are like blue-grayish. And her laugh just makes me smile every time. When she walks past me, my heart stops and/or beats really fast. Her smile is just so beautiful. I cannot help but stare at her whenever she is smiling. Even her personality is amazing. She is like so adorable with how she is with animals. And the way she is with her dad is adorable and funny and sweet. Her and her friend are also hilarious together. I just love every single detail about her. We have so much in common too. She's just perfect.

But she has a girlfriend. I don't even know how she feels about me. I know she likes me but probably not the way I want her to. Sometimes, it seems like she is flirting with me but I am not sure. Maybe I just really want it to be flirting so I just think it is. She like makes me laugh a lot when I'm sad, she loves to scare me (she does it all the time), she like growled in my ear one time (I don't know why, it was really random), she tells me personal things about her life (we aren't that close), she said my name was beautiful, she even has a nickname for me (it's trouble), and she teases me all the time. And one time, she told me that our co-worker has a crush on me, so she was going to tell him that she claims me. She is just very, very confusing. I really wish it is flirting and she just doesn't realize that she does like me or something.

My heart hurts so much when she talks about her girlfriend though. She even told me that she's spending Christmas with her. She asked me what I was doing so I told her and then she said she's going out of town with her girlfriend. So I didn't really have a good Christmas, because all I was thinking about was her and her girlfriend together. I just wanted to cry all day.

So I guess what I want help with is if there was a way to like get over her, but still be friends with her. Is that possible? Because I still want her in my life, but I don't think she'll break up with her girlfriend any time soon.

Hi Mimi,

Ooof, crushes where you know the other person is with someone else can be so hard on your emotions. And it does sound like at least some of her interactions with you have a flirtatious edge (like the "claim you as mine" comment) which can make a crush that much stronger.

If you want your crush to fade while still keeping this girl in your life as a friend, there are a few different approaches you could try. One is to simply ride out your feelings, as crushes often fade on their own without you needing to do anything. That might mean getting a journal or other place to vent your feelings when you need to, so that they aren't all pent up in the meantime. Another approach is to ride out these feelings and also ask your crush to stop some of her more flirtatious interactions with you, because those actions are making it more difficult for you to let this crush go. Do either of those options sound good to you?