Scarleteen

I'm 18, and female. The past few months, I haven't been wanting to have sex, or do anything even remotely sexual. I've had a few partners in the past with whom I've had relatively enjoyable sex with, and I'm now currently engaged to the man I love dearly. At the beginning of our relationship a year ago, we had sex often and it was pleasing for the both of us. Now, as time has gone by, I've noticed a drastic decline in my sex drive to the point where it's annoying even if he only suggests anything. Anything remotely sexual has become so off-putting to me, for seemingly no reason. I feel absolutely terrible. I love him, and I believe our relationship is still strong as ever, it's just that I seem to be unable to become aroused. As an 18-going-on-19 year old, I don't believe I should be having this problem.
While trying to figure out the reason for this issue, I discovered a few things. The last 2 serious relationships I was in, near the end of both, I felt the same way- unable to be aroused. Of course, this wasn't the reason they ended, I only just noticed this connection. The second thing I realized, was that I've never been able to reach orgasm except through masturbation. Third, it seems like any sort of sex-related thing is just off putting. I've always been attracted to both men and women, having had wonderful relationships with both. However, I don't enjoy actually seeing genitalia. I love people's faces and personality more than anything, and those are what I find most attractive. For the longest time, I've identified my sexuality as heteroflexible. (Slight male preference)

After realizing all of these things, is it possible that I may be asexual? Even though I do find myself attracted to people? I have my own set of things that turn me on- "fetishes," if you will, so I'm not sure if asexual is truly the correct term. It's just frustrating because I want to be able to please my partner, but I can't, if even the idea of sexual interaction annoys me. Any kind of explanation, or advice would be greatly appreciated.

It's really common for people's sexual desire for a partner to decrease at least somewhat (and iften considerably after new relationship energy chills out) over time in ongoing relationships, and it's also common for sexual desire to wax and wane, period, at every age.

Asexually is a term most people who use it use to describe not having any interest in being sexual with others, full-stop, rather than having interest and desire sometimes, but not others, which is pretty much just human sexuality, period, sometimes. You get to identify your sexuality however you want, but what you're describing doesn't sound like asexuality to me.

What I would suggest for now is just taking a bit of a break from sex or trying to make it happen. Getting turned on under pressure is difficult and rarely enjoyable. Why not just let your partner know how you have been feeling, ask him to stop trying to initiate for a little while, and focus on the other parts of your relationship for the time being? Then you can see how you feel in a few weeks or months, and see if just taking the pressure off helps (and it might), and what thoughts and feelings you have about this then. You might even discover you just need to shift some things, like him initiating less and you more, for instance, or have less focus on genitals in the ways you're sexual together, or learn to feel less obligated to be sexual together so when desire does ebb, you don't panic. You might also talk about this together in the meantime, including about things you can try in your sexual life you haven't, like, for example, bringing masturbation into your shared sex life if you'd like to start experiencing orgasm with him.

How does that sound?