First time sex fail

[busybear]

So last night me and my boyfriend of almost 4 months tried to have sex. There was clear consent and we both felt comfortable with what was then going to happen. We used a condom and I'm also on the pill. I slightly naively thought it would all be fine.
The first issue came with putting the condom on. We got there in the end but there was some laughing at what could have been much smoother job. Then, once he penetrated my vagina I just had a searing pain from what I think was his penis just being a bit too big. I asked him to stop and he did straight away. He then did an amazing jog of reassuring me and making sure I knew I wasn't to blame and that a situation like this is nobody's fault but just something that happens as we try new things. There had been foreplay and grinding etc etc and I was definitely aroused, so I'm not sure I could have been any more 'ready' for it on this occasion. I'm guessing its normal for pain like this to happen and how can I try and minimise it next time? And how to get a condom on in a slightly less awkward way

[Sam W]

Hi busybear,

With the exception of some awkwardness (which is actually quite common when people are learning to be sexual with each other) it sounds like you two handled this situation well. You communicated with each other, respected each other's boundaries, and even managed to laugh at the silly and awkward parts. Hardly a fail in my book

When it comes to putting a condom on as smoothly as possible, this article has a great step-by-step guide on how to do just that: All the Barriers! All the Time!

While it is common for people to experience pain when they first try things like vaginal sex, it's not what is "supposed" to happen. The most common culprits of painful intercourse are being tense/not all the way aroused or not having enough lubricant. Even when someone is really aroused, the lubrication their body produces isn't quite enough to make things comfortable, so they need to add in store-bought lube. So, one suggestion I have is to buy some lube and try using it next time you two want to have vaginal intercourse. You can also check out this article for other possible causes (and solutions) to painful sex: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

[ariannammm]

Hey busybear,

Well, the same thing happened to me too. It was akward, painful, and I just felt like there was something wrong with me - spoiler alert: there isn't. People's bodies are built in different ways. I, for example, get wet very easily but am very tight so it took me a long time to find pleasure in sex. Me and my boyfriend spent a few nights trying, actually, and he would always stop if it hurt too much. I'm happy that you found someone like that as well, that is very important! Anyway, my advice to you: don't worry, there is no rush! You just keep trying and trying and you'll see you'll make it. Don't force your body, though - if it is uncomfortable, don't just "take the pain", ok? Good luck!

P.S.: as for the condom, there are some great videos online, but basically you should tell your partner to first kinda blow on it to see which side comes up (it looks like a little bubble). Then he should hold that little bubble so as to not let any air in, place the ring on the tip of his penis and roll it down. Hope this helps!

[Heather]

Just FYI, we'd personally not advise blowing into a condom to tell which way to roll it down (that'd do things like add bacteria or infections from the mouth, for instance, and also would dry out the condom a little). So long as someone can see, it's easy enough to just see by looking, or feel with fingers.