Scarleteen

I had a chlamydia test done a few days ago and I just got phone call saying that my results came back positive. I have had only one sex partner and I have been with him for almost four years now. I do know that he has had other relationships where they were sexually active. He has told me that he has STD testing done every so often but has never told me the results and I have never thought anything of it. He has told me that not all STD tests are 100% accurate and that people can get false negative and false positive results. I know that this is somewhat true because I had a friend that had some STD testing done and her results came back negative and her boyfriend's came back positive so they redid the tests and her results came back positive and her boyfriend's came back negative. So I am wondering if my results may be negative. I was told that even if the result is negative and it came back positive that I should still go ahead and take the medication and to have my boyfriend to take some as well. With all this being said I am afraid to tell my boyfriend. I do not know how to tell him and I don not know how he will react. Please, please, please, please, please help me.

Hi, little_bat--contracting an STI from a partner or unwittingly passing an STI, though it may be hard to talk about, is way more common than it seems and should not be a make-or-break of the relationship, so don't panic! Your boyfriend will likely have many of the same feelings of anxiety and confusion that you have right now but it's important to be honest with him so you two can deal with this together. Do some research on chlamydia (The STI Files: Chlamydia is a good place to start) and make sure he knows that it's curable. Honesty and transparency is always the best policy when it comes to STIs and if your boyfriend doesn't agree, maybe you should take a look at your relationship and the trust you have for one another.

I am very nervous and scared to talk to him about it. I have always had issues talking to him about stuff like sex and even my period. I am just not sure how he will react and it is making me even more nervous and I am not sure what to do to calm my nerves about it

Hi Littlebat,

So, my advice is to arrange to talk with him somewhere you feel comfortable. Then, just say as plainly as possible "Boyfriend, I got my STI test back and it was positive for chlamydia. I want you to know this so that you can also get tested and get treatment if need be." I would also add that if you two are going to be sexual in the near future, barriers are an absolute must.

I know this is going to be a scary talk to have. But try repeating to yourself that this result, and the conversation, are not the end of the world, and are something that you need to do to take care of yourself and your partner. And, maybe plan to do something nice or relaxing for yourself after the conversation.

I am just worried he is going to freak out and think that I might have cheated on him. I plan on telling him that they told me that the results may be a false positive but that they still advised me to go ahead and take the medicine and to have him also take the medicine just in case. He also knows that the results can be a false negative or a false positive but I am still afraid of what he might say and react to it.

He might freak out. That is a possibility, so it might help you feel calmer if you figure out different plans and responses for what you feel are the most likely scenarios of his reactions so that you don't feel totally lost in the moment. If you're afraid he might get scary, have the conversation somewhere public(like a park).

Also, to be perfectly frank, if his first reaction to you telling him this is "she cheated" and not "hmmm, did I pick up something from a partner that could have been passed on?" that's a sign that he may not be the best person for you. Because if his instinct is to distrust and blame you, that's a sign that the relationship may not last long term, because it simply can't if you don't trust each other.

I also want to ask, what kind of STI prevention measures did you two take?

I have started using birth control and spermicide stuff because we do not always have condoms available and I get really irritated down there when we use condoms. I am not sure if it is a mild reaction to the latex or just that brand of condom

Okay, so, if you want to avoid STI stuff in the future, you're going to need a barrier (spermicide and hormonal BC don't protect against STIs). You're right that you may have a latex allergy. So you can try experimenting with non-latex ones, or just try various brands. You may also want to check out female condoms, since they're non-latex. Would you like info on any of those options?

How do female condoms work?

Basically, they're shaped like an external condom (the kind you're used to), but they're inserted into the vagina and then the penis is guided into them when intercourse happens. They're just as effective as external condoms, plus you can insert them a few hours before you need them, which can help head off the "uh oh no condom" situation. You can read about them in more detail here:
Condoms
All the Barriers! All the Time!

I am worried that my boyfriend would like the feeling of them

I think this is an instance where your desire to not contract another STI trump his need for his penis to feel a certain way. Compromise is totally possible, as you can try different brands of external condoms, or the female condom to find one that works for both of you. But he does not get to veto you using a method that you feel works for you. Does that make sense?

It totally makes since but I am still a little hung up on how I am going to tell him. I am just worried about his reaction and his thoughts about it

Again, I advocate the direct approach, if for no other reason that it gets it over with. It might help to even write out what you think his most likely responses will be (something you know better than we can ever hope to), then write out some possible responses to those reactions. That way, you can feel prepared going into the conversation. There's no guarantees as to how it will go, but the more prepared you are, the easier it will be to stay calm.

If you need to, you can even narrow it down to the "worst case" and "best case" scenarios and practice how you'd like to respond to each.

Thank you so much for all your help

You're quite welcome