Scarleteen

Hi,

I've started to watch porn again after not watching it for a few years and I got turned on really quickly but I don't masturbate (because I find it hard to find clit) and I was wondering if there way any other ways to relieve myself?

Many thanks,
Writersblock x

Hi there Writersblock,

There are lots of different ways to masturbate - really it's about finding what you like best. When you've watched porn and feel aroused, what do you notice when you explore your body? What types of touch feel good? There isn't really a right or wrong way to do it as long as you're comfortable with what you're doing and not hurting anyone else.
Also, have you ever tried looking into a mirror while masturbating? It can be difficult to know exactly what you're touching since it's almost impossible to look at one's own genitals, but using a small mirror to look at yourself from another angle can be really helpful. Another way to think of it would be to look at a picture of a vulva (like the one at Innies and Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus, and More) and try to use it as a road map, feeling around for the different structures you can see. By the way, none of this is to say that you can't enjoy yourself without avoiding the clit - a lot of people enjoy stimulating the inner and outer labia, the vaginal opening, the pubic mound, and the taint. There are very sensitive nerve endings all over down there!

Hi, thanks for getting back to me.

When I was watching the porn, I found that a circular motion on my vagina (using all 4 fingerS) felt quite nice but didn't really do a lot for me either. I've done the mirror thing before and that has not helped me in anyway (because I am technically blind as a bat) and today, I did try fingering myself but only managed to get the tip of my finger in and nothing reallys feels good which is frustrating when you feel aroused and have no outlet.

A lot of pleasure in masturbation also has to do with where your head's at - if you're thinking about things that turn you on, your body responds and you start to feel more pleasure. Have you tried thinking about people or things that you find sexy? Are you masturbating when you are feeling relaxed, comfortable, and unrushed?
It might also help to check out With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body, because it talks about what exactly is down there contributes to which feelings. (And also the importance of the brain!) But really, most of masturbation is about experimenting: thinking about or watching arousing things, and then touching our bodies to see what brings us pleasure in that moment. You could also try using a sex toy or the showerhead for different sensations!

I am relaxed and thinking of things that I do find sexy which is the problem x I have tried the shower head (once again does nothing) and I am thinking of actually buying my first sex toy next Wednesday which I am excited but nervous about. I was talking to my friend today about this and she gave me all the advice she could possibly give and because of that I did manage to get my fingertip into the vaginal opening so progress is progress but I am very worried about a lot of things like this.

I'm glad that you have another option that you can experiment with soon!

Keep in mind, everyone's bodies are different in terms of response, intensity of sensation, etc. so what works for your friend may not always work for you, but with enough experimenting and practice, most people can find out what makes them feel good.

What makes you worry about learning to masturbate?

I am a very anxious person to begin with, it's like my full time job to be anxious. I'm worried about a lot of things for instance not finding my clit (trying for 4 years), fingering (something I really want to try) and wondering why it doesn't feel good and so on and so forth.

UPDATE: I am buying that sex toy today x

Good luck with your purchase! Happy to see that you are happy and excited about it!

That curiosity and excitement is absolutely the best frame of mind for exploring our own pleasure.