So many questions! Masturbation, dreams, arousal...

[junojagger]

Hello, Scarleteen!
I am a 16-year-old girl and I seem to have a hard time getting aroused-by aroused I mean that pumping of the labia, tingling, heavy breathing and lots of heat. P.s. I am a virgin.
When I was about 13 I had this feeling for the first time, and while awake. I was reading a book and it described a very light sex scene, my heart beat suddenly started going crazy and I couldn’t quite think straight, I felt this thumping in my private parts and sort of tingling; it all lasted less than a minute, or as long as it took me to finish reading the scene.
Then, my second time was during a *lesbian* dream (although I’m straight-at least I think I am... ), and my third time.
As I have come of age, I have tried masturbation numerous times, but I never get anything out of it; nor that pumping, the tingling, heavy breathing, etc. It frustrates me because I quite like it and feel scared that I might not get aroused during my first time (who knows, though) even though I'd really like to. Since this started bothering me, I only have a “semi-arousal” (it’s very very short) just as I am about to wake up (and they're not lesbian dreams anymore). I try quickly masturbating as soon as I feel this but it’s over the moment I touch my clitoris. So, is it psychological? Do I have S.A.D? What’s gonna happen to me?
Also, I have tried masturbating with the little shower head. When I do this, my knees and my buttocks feel kind of weak and I have uncontrollble twitching of my neck, it feels like someone is tickling me. What is this? I read it somewhere that it can mean I’m close to orgasm, but I didn’t even get aroused (or what I described in the first lines), and I’ve also read that you can’t -or it’s very hard to- have an orgasm without getting aroused. So... what’s up with that?
I know, I have a lot of questions, but the thing is that I don’t talk about this with anyone and I’m feeling very confused. I really like your advice!
Looking forward to your reply!
Keep up the good work .
All the best,
Valentina

[Mo]

Hi Valentina, and welcome to the forums!

I think these articles might be a good starting place where you can read more about arousal and sexual response: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
How to Understand, Identify and Make Choices About Desire

Many people find that there's a period of time where they've had some physical feelings arousal but haven't found what works during masturbation, or how to reliably incite those physical feelings. It doesn't mean that anything's wrong with you, physically or psychologically, and it isn't an indication that you wouldn't feel arousal with partners in the future. Most people feel different levels of sexual arousal with different people, or at different times, but it's not that common for people who want to feel physical sexual desire to not be able to experience it at all.
I will say, though, that any time you're planning sex, whether it's your first time or your thirtieth, that you make the decision to only go ahead with it if you are feeling desire for it. Sex should be about pleasure, after all, and it's usually a good idea to listen to the messages your body is sending you.

One thing that might be helpful to think about is that some people don't find masturbation very pleasurable if they're trying to masturbate before they are feeling any desire or arousal at all. Even something like genital contact that feels good when you're very aroused might not feel like much at all, or even feel actively painful or irritating, when your body isn't aroused. So if you're attempting masturbation and find that it isn't feeling great, it may be a good idea to check in on our arousal level in that moment. Also, it can take a while to find what works for you - masturbation is really personal, and someone's Amazing Technique to Easy Orgasm might not be at all enjoyable for you.
In terms of the muscle weakness or twitching you described in the shower, I honestly can't say for sure what that was. Many people do have some muscle twitching or spasming during sexual activity or orgasm, but it's hard for us as outside observers to tell you what you were feeling or what was causing it. I think as you gain more experience with this, you'll be better able to read your own responses.

[junojagger]

Thank you very much for your reply, Mo!
I guess it really is a matter of time and circumstance, I should really relax!
I will definitely read the links you sent me.
Thanks again for being so candid.
Cheers!

[Mo]

You're quite welcome! Feel free to come back with more questions if any come up after you read those articles. =)