Scared of std

[Jun]

Hello, there is two things I worried and scared about that made me afraid of having sex with others. I've asked several doctor but still can't get the answer I satisfied.

I noticed that since the condom didn't cover the entire penis, I am worried that through penetration, the viginal fluid, given that if it contains std fluid will seep from the base and get into the condom and seep to the tip of the forehead of the penis and contract std.
To test this hypothesis, I offered myself into shower water with the condom on, and I found that water do seep inside the condom via the base ring of the condom. I'm extremely worried and scared about this condition.

The second worry is that after sex, when I go to shower, the viginal fluid attached on the part of my penis that is uncovered by the condom, when water run the fluid down it may therefore bring the viginal fluid to the tip of my penis, if the fluid has STD, I may therefore expose to std fluid and contracted.

I'm extremely worried and afraid to have sex for many years. Please help me with those questions!

[Heather]

Safer sex is just that: safer, not 100% safe. What condoms and other barriers do are reduce our risks of sex-related illness: they don't create a situation where there is no risk.

What do you feel like you need in order to engage in sex that you otherwise want to? Since a 100% risk-free situation -- not just of illness, but of just about anything -- isn't possible, what do you think you might need in order to be comfortable with at least some small level of risk?

[Jun]

I just think those cases that I mentioned have a high possibility of contracting std, that's not a 'safer sex concept in other words.

[Alice O]

Hi Jun,

Do you think it would be helpful to learn more about the different STIs, how they are transmitted, and what their symptoms/treatment are? It sounds like right now you are viewing ALL sex (even with barriers) as HIGH risk for DISEASE. I think it would be helpful for you to get to a place where it feels more nuanced, and I think the way to get there is to have more information. How does that sound?

In addition, I think it's important to recognize the role that anxiety is playing for you. While it's perfectly reasonable (and good!) to be aware of possible STI risk, it sounds like you are experiencing on top of that some obsessive worry. Do you have any experience receiving treatment for anxiety?

[Alice O]

Here are two links that will provide you with more information--though they will not tell you the ins and outs of EXACTLY how each STI can or can not be passed, they will give you a general idea!

Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

STI Risk Assessment: The Cliff's Notes

[Jun]

I'm clear with the Sti transmission, the thing I'm questioning is the sti via body fluid transmission, if the above two hypothesis is true, the sex with barrier may therefore views as high risk for disease isn't it?

[Sam W]

Hi Jun,

Sex with a barrier is low risk of STI transmission, especially for those illness that are transmitted by fluids. Condoms are designed to keep fluids in (or out), and it's something we know they do very effectively. The ways you tested them are not really a good demonstration of how a condom would work during sex, so that is skewing your perspective a little.

To reiterate what Alice asked, are you currently receiving any treatment for your anxiety?

[Jun]

NO...and I would like to have some treatment of anxiety...

[Jacob]

Hi Jun!

I can have a look for services in hong kong that can help with anxiety. Is that OK?

Do you know of anywhere you could ask too? I'm sure we could help you if you wanted to know how to approach a service and ask for support.

[Jun]

That would be great....I am too fear to have sex due to the chance of getting STD even with a condom....