Scarleteen

I'm 20 and this is my first relationship. Recently me and my gf talked about our private time, and she said that I am mostly too nice during sex. It's because I'm afraid of hurting her, which happened a few months ago, where she asked me to stop and cried a bit. Ever since, I was never rough during sex. But now she wants me to be less nice, such as the time I pushed her roughly against the wall or pulled her to myself on the bed. What should I do? Are there any moves that will be less nice but would not hurt her?

Hi Mike,

This is a situation where the best person to answer those questions is actually your girlfriend, because only she knows what kinds of "rough" things she's interested in and what kinds of things would be a no-go for her. So a good next step would be for the two of you to sit down and talk about what kinds of sexual things you're both interested in, as well as any sexual activities that one or both of you do not want to do. This article is a great tool to help you do that: Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist . Something else to keep in mind is that even during "rougher" sexual activities, you still need to do things like check-in with a partner to make sure they're enjoying themselves. That also decreases the chances that you'll end up doing something that unintentionally crosses a partner's boundaries.