Scared of sex

[DapperDiamond11]

Okay so I'm 17 and I'm still a virgin. I've made out with my fair share of guys but I've been scared to go any further. I've never been sexually abused and I'm totally comfortable with my body. I've tried masturbation once or twice but never really get pleasure from it. I get a few guys here and there that ask for sex but I'm absolutely terrified. I get pretty anxious when thinking about actually having sex. I know I want to do it but I just can't bring myself to do it mentally even though I've always been very mature. I think I'm kind of scared of the pain and the awkwardness, but I'm not totally sure. It gives me anxiety because I'm not exactly wideset and I'm afraid I'll be too anxious to relax and won't get any pleasure from it. Recently I've started to think I'm asexual because I'm just not very sure :/

[Heather]

Being afraid of sex with other people and having no interest in pursuing/engaging in sex with other people (which is what asexuality usually is) are very different things. By all means, you get to identify as you want to, and if that word and framework feels right, you should feel free to use it, but I don't think what you're asking about here is asexuality. It's pretty clear you're talking about fear and anxiety.

You don't have to be sexual with anyone, ever, not at 17, not at 37, not at 77, if it's not something you feel comfortable with. And it is totally okay to take your time getting to that. 17 is actually still pretty early for a lot of people in your particular generation: many people your age don't feel comfortable engaging in various kinds of sex with other people yet.

But you also should know that no kind of sex should hurt, and that just about everyone is awkward with a partner new to them, usually for a while, no matter what their age or previous sexual experience. It also happens that people's expectations aren't met in terms of pleasure, or that some sexual experiences are more pleasurable than others. All of that is perfectly common and totally fine, even though it doesn't match up to the ideas about sex people will often have from media or from ways someone might talk about it who isn't bringing up the less shiny parts of it all.

So, do you want to be making out with people? And do you want to do anything more for right now than you have been? If not, why sweat it? You get to want what you want and not-want what you don't. If you would like to be more sexual with someone and these feelings are getting in the way, I'm happy to talk more with you about how you might be able to manage them so they don't get in the way of what you want so much.