Scarleteen

Hello all, I am expecting a one night visit from a friend that I've been intimate with before, about 5 years ago. I'm interested in being intimate with this person again, but don't know when they were last tested. I plan to ask them, but if I learn that they've had unprotected sex since they were last tested and so they don't know their current status, what is safe to do?

Obviously if I have sex I will use a condom, but if they don't know their current status, should I skip giving oral sex or touching their genitals directly with my hands?

I also haven't had a test in a while, though I've only had two partners since my last test, and they had both recently been in longterm relationships where both partners had tested clean. So it's my understanding that I do not have an STD and currently not at risk of having one, and I see no reason to increase that risk for a one night stand. What y'all think I should do?

You really can't figure your status from someone else's tests, like your partners' partners, nor assume you are negative for everything because those people are. You need to get your own tests done to know your own status.

So, sounds like what you'll want to do here is talk about testing with this person, and perhaps just make an agreement to BOTH get tested.

In terms of reducing STI risks with oral sex or manual sex (fingering or handjobs), you can either not do those things if one or both of you are not comfortable taking any risks, or use barriers (condoms or dental dams, gloves for manual sex or just handwashing).

Heather wrote:You really can't figure your status from someone else's tests, like your partners' partners, nor assume you are negative for everything because those people are. You need to get your own tests done to know your own status.

So, sounds like what you'll want to do here is talk about testing with this person, and perhaps just make an agreement to BOTH get tested.

In terms of reducing STI risks with oral sex or manual sex (fingering or handjobs), you can either not do those things if one or both of you are not comfortable taking any risks, or use barriers (condoms or dental dams, gloves for manual sex or just handwashing).

Hi Heather, Thanks for your answer. Since I am expecting this person tomorrow night, getting tested before their arrival really isn't an option. I feel pretty confident that it would be safe to have sex with a condom, as it's my understanding that they protect against most STDs? My concern is oral sex -- is it possible to get an STD from giving or receiving oral sex?

Hi thechemicaleyes,

Gotcha about the time crunch.

Yes STIs can be passed from giving and receiving oral sex. There is a high risk of that with unprotected oral sex to a penis, and a moderate risk of that with unprotected oral sex to a vulva/vagina. Check out this piece: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?. It will tell you more about what STIs you are at risk of with oral sex, and also go over what possible risk comes with other types of sexual activities.

If you decide you may want to have oral/manual sex with this person, and that you want to use barriers, here is a piece that will explain more about what barrier options there are and how to use them: All the Barriers! All the Time!.