Scarleteen

So, I'm a 19 year old girl. I became sexually active in december of last year with my new boyfriend. We would do a lot of foreplay and he was able to make me orgasm both through oral sex and by using his hands. We then had sex and it was amazing. We both went back home for the holidays and spent a month apart. To deal with it, I started masturbating, which I'd never done before (I wasn't too comfortable with it). I found a perfect way to make myself orgasm in no time. Now that I've come back, our sex is still great, with my new found "technique" he can always finish me off easily BUT there is one downside - for some reason I am struggling to find pleasure through oral sex. Don't get me wrong, it feels good and everything, but I just know I'm not going to orgasm. He knows about it, I am always very vocal about my needs and kinda help him when he's down there, but nothing seems to help I don't understand why! I know orgasming is not always the point but it is very frustrating. Is this normal? What can I do? He feels bad because he feels kind of "useless", you know? Help!

Starting from the bottom here, unless you are only with your partner, and being sexual with them, for orgasm, your partner isn't useless. In fact, that may be one of the least of your reasons -- especially now that you know how to get yourself there -- to both be with them and to be sexual with them. What would likely help here is just to remind your partner of that and tell them what some of those reasons are.

It's common to have ways our body responds to external stimulus -- sexual or otherwise -- change or shift over time. There's nothing wrong about that, it just happens; it's just how our bodies work. What you can do around that is just experiment together to find all the things that do get you there together. That can be ditching one activity for a while altogether and swapping it for another, or it can mean doing that one activity differently than you did in the past. For example, it may be that now what works for you is adding your masturbation technique to oral sex. Make sense?

Hi Heather,

I agree with you! I've always told him our objective is not orgasming but just feeling good with each other and I have that. For the other part, thank you very much, you were very reassuring. We'll try!