Scarleteen

My friend keeps having sex with so many guys, I really don't want that image to come on to me:( she's a great friend and all but idk

Hi Nadine Marie,

Can you clarify a little about what you want from us with this comment?

I think it might also help you to keep in mind that your friend? Gets to make whatever choices sexually that she wants to (assuming she's not assaulting or otherwise hurting someone in order to do it). Besides which, we tend to hold women to a narrow (and often conflicting) set of standards when it comes to sexual behavior. So, my guess is, no matter what choice she makes, there would always be some people who look down on her for it. Therefore, I would caution you from thinking that your friend is behaving in a way that is "wrong."

As for how people view you, you're right that if they look down on her they might look down on you as well. That's a risk we take when we befriend people whose behavior or identity falls outside of what is considered "normal" or "respectable." If she's a good friend and you want to keep her in your life? Then go for it, and focus your energy on your relationships with her and other people (including yourself) rather than on what people might be thinking about you.

Thanks you, you advice seemed pretty legit.

She is sleeping around so much that people are talking really bad about her:/ but she doesn't seem to care. I don't want that image for me and as we'll for her. I don't like hearing all these bad things coming from other people about her. Shouldn't I talk to her? Idk

If she were my friend and people were talking like that about her? I would ask them to please not say nasty stuff about my friend in front of me (often, you can't control what people say behind your back, but you can usually control what they say to your face). I would also ask them something like "if she were a guy, would you be being this nasty about her choices? Because right now it sounds like you're engaging in some super sexist double standards."

I would not relay any of the unpleasant things people are saying about here to her. Because, again, there is nothing wrong with what she's doing. It sounds like she's having the amount of sex she wants to be (unless there's some factor, like she's being repeatedly pressured into it, that you haven't mentioned). Plus, she probably knows that people are going to say stuff about her, as she grew up in the same culture you did that tends to shame young women who it views as "too" sexually active. Does SHE ever talk about her feelings or thoughts around what she does sexually.?

I would also challenge you to do some reading about things like "slut shaming" and how to avoid doing it or support people who are the targets of it.