Sexually frustrated? Am i normal?

[JosieB357]

This is my first time asking this question, and i joined this site hoping i can find out if im normal. So ever since i was 13 I've been sexually active, but everytime I've tried to masturbate its always felt gross. I've just hated the feeling of the inside of my vagene on my fingers, so I've tried using toys, but I've never felt fulfilled. I know that in order for a girl to feel good they need their clitoris stimulated, but everytime i think of touching it, it sends chills down my spine, the same feeling like thinking about touching your eyeball. Well fast forward, now i've been having sex since i was 17, and still have never climaxed? I feels good and all, but I just don't think I've ever truly been over the top feel good. My bf says he touches my clit (i wouldn't know what it would really feel like) but i still just don't ever climax. Idk what kind of awnser im looking for, i know there's no real solution to this unless i learn to masturbate and touch my clit, but i really don't want to do that, i just want to be told im normal

[Sam W]

Hi Josie,

While clitoral stimulation feels really good to some people, it feels "meh" or downright uncomfortable to other people. So touching your clit is not the only way to create sexual pleasure. If you don't want to touch your clitoris, you don't have to. If you're looking to learn more about how your body responds sexually, you could try experimenting with different ways of masturbating, like the different techniques in this article: How Do You Masturbate? .

When you and your boyfriend are sexual together, are you focusing your activities on what feels good to each of you? Or are you mostly trying to do what you think you "should" be doing in order to orgasm?

[JosieB357]

Thank you for the reply sam. I guess we do what we think "should" be done. But nothing during intercourse truly feels good except the actual sex. But that only never really satisfies, he could go on for an hour and by that time I don't feel it anymore and I'm just tired. Does that mean I did orgasm or I just got turned off?

[Heather]

You have seemed to make pretty clear here that you don't think you have experienced orgasm. I'm inclined to trust your own ideas and feelings about your experiences.

I don't know what you mean by "the actual sex." Sex is basically almost any way we can express our sexual desires or sexualities, so I'm just not clear what you mean by that. Can you fill me in?

Honestly, I think it's safe to say that for most people, intercourse that lasts for an hour is very unlikely to remain satisfying or feeling good for a good deal of that period of time, especially if that's the only thing happening. And if your boyfriend says he is stimulating your clitoris but you aren't feeling anything, it may be because he thinks that's what he's doing, but it's not actually what he's doing.

I'm curious: I wonder if you could fill me in on why you have been engaging in sex with people in the way that you are. Do you really WANT to be doing any of this? I hear you when you say it feels good, but I also hear you saying that this isn't just about you not experiencing orgasm, but not feeling satisfied. So, I'm not really sure why you are continuing to be sexual with partners, or in the ways you have been, because I am not clear on why you are being sexual with them if all it is is something that just kind of feels okay, know what I mean? Can you talk to me more about this so we can better understand and perhaps better help you out?