Scarleteen

I recently made a post asking how to make friends while being an introvert and the responses I got made me try harder at talking to people and opening up to them. Recently in a moment of reflection, I realized that I'd made it a habit to get close to people be friends with them but somehow lose contact with them. Most have been with people that i only spent a few weeks or months with but the smaller proportion of my "friends" have been people that I've developed an attachment to and basically been close for a long time.

So the crux of my post is i realized that I tend to do things that sabotage my relationship with people especially the small circle of people that I've got as friends.For someone who doesn't have that many friends, it just seems wrong to self-sabotage all my relationships to the point where people don't talk to me again.

I feel like i'm at a crossroad where i either make friends only to sabotage the relationship or I just dont bother making friends so as not to feel guilty about been a terrible person.

Hi Breeze,

I'm glad to hear you've been doing some reflecting, although it sounds like the conclusion you've come to is kind of a rough one. When you say you feel like you sabotage your relationships, are you referring specifically to losing contact with people? Or are there other patterns you've noticed in your friendships that feel to you like self-sabotage?

i tend to lash out at them when they offend me and even refuse to talk to them for a long period of time which most times damages our relationship since i never seem to be remorseful about my actions. As i said previously i tend to recede into my "shell" and shut out everyone around me, refusing their company and eventually straining our friendship.

I feel like my being reclusive tends to push people away from me and always makes me end up feeling lonely at the end of the day.

It sounds like, then, maybe something that would be helpful for you is to learn some ways of managing conflicts that don't do long-term damage to the friendship. We have some really great tips on learning how to do that here: How to Clash With Love: Some Conflict Resolution Basics . The skills in that article may take some practice, but they might also help you get to a place where repairing a friendship feels a little easier than it does now.

It may also help to start developing ways to come out of your shell when you notice that you're receding into it as a coping mechanism. That's a skill where a counselor could be helpful, as they could give you different techniques to try and help you process how effective each technique was. Are you currently seeing a counselor for anything?