Scarleteen

I’ve been struggling with trying to stop the obsession I have with my current boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. We have been dating for almost a year now, but we have known each other for years. Before him and his previous girlfriend had gotten together we had talked and were fairly good friends but romantically we didn’t peruse anything. I spent hours looking at her Instagram envying her life, although I know nothing other than what was portrayed on Instagram. Long story short, they ended up breaking up after, what I have heard was, not the best relationship. This being when we started talking and eventually dating.

Since we started dating I’ve had a hard time stopping the habits, and thoughts that I had when they were together. I’ve recently realized that this is super unhealthy, and I want to cease it. But doing that is difficult. Im looking for any advice on how to stop this jealousy.

Hi ejmg,

One fairly simple step in breaking this habit is to unfollow or mute his ex on any social media channels that you use to check on her. That removes some of the temptation to monitor her, and also makes it harder for you to monitor her if you do give in to the urge to do so.

Another way to decrease your jealous feelings is to consider what's behind them. For example, sometimes we feel jealous of someone because of insecurities about ourselves, or because we wish we has access to some of the same opportunities that they do. Do you have any sense of what's powering your jealousy towards her? You may also want to take a look at this article, as it covers ways of dealing with jealous feelings: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relat ... ed_monster

I think personally it stems from her being from a different country, and myself being super interested a different culture. I found it interesting. Like i said it started as a habit, more than likely because of the fact she was dating someone i was still interested in. but now even though i am with him, I find it hard to break this habit. Old habits die hard, as they say. I have tried to make it more difficult to see her things but I find myself then thinking I am crazy for blocking someone for "no reason". Im in an internal battle with myself. It is tiring.

It may help to think of blocking or muting her as actually being for a reason, and that reason is your mental wellbeing. The less ability you have to look at her social media, the easier it will be to break a habit that is causing you frustration.

You could also try the strategy of, when you feel like checking on her social media, doing something else. That could be reading, or watching a funny video, or doing a hobby of yours for a few minutes. Approaching it that way may help you gradually replace the unhelpful habit with things you enjoy.