Scarleteen

I don't really know what to do anymore. There's a group of guys that go to school with me that have been really mean to me for a really long time. They're been deragotory to my face, telling me I was a whore because I'm bi, telling me I'm easy because I hold hands with my friends and frequently hug them or kiss cheeks, making fun of me for my body type. They frequently try to convince my friends of how horrible a person I am. One of them even followed me home from school yesterday. They almost sideswiped my car passing me while doing at least 50 in a 25mph zone, and then were burning rubber at the end of my driveway.
I'll admit, I'm no angel. I do discuss the crap they pull with the few friends I have l left, and I no longer have any sympathy for them when bad things happen. I do discuss their misfortune on occasion, and I vent about them a lot.
I guess my question is, if I'm really the one at fault, how do I fix this? It's my senior year, I really don't want to have to carry this with me to college...

Hi princess

I'm sorry to hear that you're in such a sucky situation. Being bullied is tough, but it is definitely not your fault. It is not you or your behaviour that needs to change, it's theirs. Their behaviour is not only unacceptable, but from the car incident you described, also downright dangerous.

I there are two things we can address here: your safety and wellbeing and if they will change their behaviour.

First things first, do you feel physically safe? If not that is the first thing that needs to be addressed, and some of the suggestions in this Safety Plan may be relevant to you, particularly reaching out to people you trust and trying not to be alone around these guys. You can also look after yourself emotionally with some self care. There's a really good article on this here: Self-Care a La Carte. What do you think?

You have, understandably, expressed that you'd like them to change their behaviour. People approach this in different ways. Some people like to confront people who are saying hurtful things directly and ask them calmly and assertively (not aggressively!) to stop. I wonder, however if this has gone too far for that. I think now would be a good time to reach out to a trusted adult - a teacher, parent, guidance counselor, friend - and tell them what's going on. Be as specific as you can about what these guys are doing, when, where and the changes you want to see and ask for their help. Does that sound doable?

A couple of useful resources:
Rebel Well: for those suffering harassment online, at school or at work
Heather and Dan on How It Gets Better

And from thebullyproject.com