Should I end this relationship?

[Masaka]

Im in a long distance relationship and I yalk to my bf everyday. Now im starting to fall out of love because he can be rude and make mean jokes about my breast surgery and accuses me or talks about ending a relationship when nothing goes his way or i say that hated word NO! And he sit there quitely and tries to aruge with me for no reason. Im on my period and its the heavy one cramps all day very bad and then his wants me to please myself on camera because I going on business travel for two months. I said no cause its not that time for me to be doing that and its messy. He sits there in silence and huffs and puffs and ask me is thia the end of the relationship? I didnt say anything cause in the past hes has always been this way and when i stop speaking to him he begs and talks rude to me like speaking for myself and saying no is wrong in his eyes and im always the bad person and its always me that needs to be fixed and grow up not him. So how should i put an end to this craziness.

[Siân]

Hi Masaka,

Welcome to the boards, I'm glad you've found us.

From what you're saying, I suspect you already know that you are not in a healthy, mutually respectful relationship. In a healthy relationship, we get to set our boundaries and those are accepted, even welcomed. Saying no is ALWAYS ok. You've mentioned a few things that are red flags for me: treating you like you broken and need to be 'fixed', making mean comments to put you down, arguing with you and pressuring you instead of respecting your boundaries. These are all forms of manipulation and emotional abuse, and you deserve better.

I think you might find it useful to take a read through these and reflect a bit on your relationship:
Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship
Blinders Off: Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault

So in answer to your question, yes I would definitely encourage you to get out of this relationship. What do you think? Would you like some help thinking through how to do that?

[Masaka]

Yes i would over all i dont like him. Its been 7 years and my eyes are open to see all whats going on,but I still like him little. I broke up with him so many times but he keeps coming back. I want out of this relationship its not doing me any good i feel like a cam girl me showing off my naked body while i dont see him at all he has no cam so idea if hes the only watching. I hate that and he doesnt even think about cominf to me until he got feed up being broke with awful roommates. I have also found another man who treats me a heck of alot better we talk but not dating yet because of my current bf wont let me go so yes u can say I am kinda cheating but i cant take my current one anymore. He think ever fb notifications are men txting me which i explain to him those are ppl that respond to fun post that i responded to from a anime group. So if you have any safe good suggestions im all for it i just out. Thank you so much for your help if only i came here sooner years ago i would be in this mess.

[Masaka]

Yes i would over all i dont like him. Its been 7 years and my eyes are open to see all whats going on,but I still like him little. I broke up with him so many times but he keeps coming back. I want out of this relationship its not doing me any good i feel like a cam girl me showing off my naked body while i dont see him at all he has no cam so idea if hes the only watching. I hate that and he doesnt even think about coming to me in the states his excuse was where i live is to flat and i should go ro canada , but until he got feed up being broke with awful roommates he decides to come to me. I have also found another man who treats me a heck of alot better we talk but not dating yet because of my current bf wont let me go so yes u can say I am kinda cheating but i cant take my current one anymore. He think ever fb notifications are men txting me which i explain to him those are ppl that respond to fun post that i responded to from a anime group. So if you have any safe good suggestions im all for it i just out. This all started when one miss undertsanding while hanging out with a male friend which i told him about that i told him i was going to be hanging out with him. We both watch anime and some anime have fan service. My current bf called and i picked up letting him know im alright and im still hanging out.My friend confessed his love for me wanted me to suck his banana. Just moaning getting readt saying hes so hard, but i refuse and i demand he takes me home. He sees i wasnt happy and he zipped up and took me home. 5 weeks pasted my current bf wanted to know what happen that day i told him the truth and the confession from my friend. He said ok and shrugged it off ans then asked me again and again and he thinks im lieinf and i actually sucked him off. Ever since he always holds it against me when hes mad guilt trips and accusions if i dont answer the call right away im automatically cheating on him.Thank you so much for your help if only i came here sooner years ago i wouldnt be in this mess.im sorry for this to be long but i want my mind and heart to be sync all the tears and apologizing for no reason all cause i told him the truth and mad up lies to keep the peace idk what was true anymore. This messed up relationship shouldve ended years ago ik but i love him more than myself now i found the strength fight back my worth i want to be independent and start over on a good foot and new relationship with the other man.

[Sam W]

Hi Masaka,

I'm so glad to hear that you're finding the site helpful and that you're in a place where you feel ready to end a relationship that is clearly really toxic. You may find this article really helpful as you go through the break-up: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking . Some other things that could be really helpful with ending this relationship is to, once you break up, block your ex-boyfriend on any channel he'd use to contact you (Facebook, your phone, video chat, etc). Doing that severely limits his ability to try and convince you to take him back (and his ability to harass you after the breakup). If you have any mutual friends with him, you may also want to let them know what's going on in case he tries to use them to get messages to you. Does that sounds doable?

Given that he's spent years trying to get you to remove them, how comfortable do you feel in your ability to make and hold boundaries? Because that's something that will be important in getting through this breakup, as well as in relationships you may have in the future.

[Masaka]

I can do that. Ty so much just that thing im not crazy. I never thought i was easily abused. Ty for your help

[Masaka]

I can do that. Ty so much just that thing im not crazy. I never thought i was easily abused. Ty for your help.

[Sam W]

You're welcome! If it helps to know, pretty much anyone can be a target of abuse because abuse happens due to traits of the abuser. So none of what happened was your fault or a result of you being easily abused.