Scarleteen

Hiiiiiiii
Ok so last year I had very little sex (4 times tops.. and before that I was a virgin ).

Problem is I used to have a looooot of pregnancy anxiety issues. I think I’m “cured” now.. I mean I’ve had sex (ok once) and I’m not freaking out like last year.. sometimes the thought crosses my mind but it leaves quickly (plus I should get my period in a couple of days and the condom definitely didnt break yey)


Anyway the reason I write is because I feel that I suck at sex. I’m self conscious of my body (I’m size 2.. but I’m not fit and my bf is kind of a gym fan.. so his body is nothing like mine in fitness terms.. but I don’t like to exercise.. so I don’t feel sexy necked I front of him (I do when dressed). He does tell me I’m sexy and so on and that he wants to look at me but I’m ashamed. And I know I shoulnt be plus being confident is sexy.

Second i haven’t had a lot of sex and my vagina is super tight.. so the first time I had sex with him this year (last year was with someone else we wasn’t fit so I didn’t care about my body ) it hurt a loooooot. With time it got better though, we tried different positions and used pillows etc, he was kind and understanding plus he had ideas). On the other hand.. I think (I’m not sure) but his penis is kinda bent or curved to one side or something.. I think that has nothing to do with anything. I just saw it and yeah.

Third.. sex got better but it wasn’t great. I used to hate sex because of my anxiety issues and I blamed them for me not liking sex. But this time I still don’t like it.. no orgasm for me (he did cum). I enjoyed it more but it wasnt great and I also think it wasn’t great for him either. I don’t know how to move in sex. He even told me to move.. I was like so ashamed and embarrassed.. can you tell me what I’m supposed to do? I have no clue how to have sex. It makes me wanna cry.

He said it was ok that first times are always about figuring out what each one likes or dislikes and what works.

I really like him and we just became a couple after months of dating.. I don’t want to screw this up. I do think sex plays an important rol in a relationship and I want to make the most out of it. I want to pleasure him and make him happy. I just suck at sex and in don’t want to be dumped because of it. I know I can do and be better. I just don’t know how.

I can tell his been with a loooooooooot of girls. I’m not worried about being compared, I just want to be great, I’m the actual girlfriend. That mis mean something I mean we both decided to be together, with each other. He is with me not them.. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.

Btw safer sex is being practiced.

I’ve read sex is like dancing... please say it’s not. I’m a terrible dancer. I’ve even taking many classes and I suck.

Hi Lola,

Sex is certainly a learning process, both in that it involves learning about your own body as well as the body of your partner and how those two bodies respond when they're together. The vast majority of people won't be automatically good at sex, and in fact being good at sex has a lot more to do with communicating with your partner than anything else. It also helps to be familiar with what your body likes sexually, which is something you learn from masturbation. Have you introduced touches or movements that work for you when you masturbate into sex with your boyfriend?

Right now, it sounds like this article about building sexual confidence would be helpful for you: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gende ... fectionism .

Too, it may help to know that your vaginal canal isn't super tight because you haven't had a lot of sex, since how tight or loose the vaginal canal feels depends on how aroused a person is and not on how many partners they've had. So if it's feeling tight and painful, that's usually a sign that you're not aroused enough or that more lube needs to be used. Do the two of you generally spend a lot of time on things other than vaginal sex? And do you use lube?

Thank you Sam! I’ll read it carefully. It’s a lot of info

You're welcome! If you have any questions or comments about it, you're welcome to ask them here.