Scarleteen

So I’m 16 years old and I’ve been in my first serious relationship for about 5 months now. My boyfriend has been really patient with me about sex. We’ve done oral interactions before but I felt like I was finally ready to take a step further.

So we were a few thrusts in when I started to bleed. There wasn’t a lot but yet there looked like there was way too much then ‘popping my cherry’ he immediately stopped and I rushed to the bathroom to clean up. That’s when I panicked thinking it could be something really bad. Then I started to question if he may have started my period a bit early was I was due to start about 2-3 days. He says it could be that but I’m just not completely sure. I would really love some help and hopefully some reassurance that there isn’t something wrong with me.

Ps. I haven’t had sex since. I’ve been too scared

Hi Laurenobrienxo,

The thing about bleeding during sex is that it's not supposed to be an automatic outcome of vaginal sex, even the first time. The ideas many people have about bleeding the first time are based on misunderstandings about the hymen, and you can read all about those here: My Corona: The Anatomy Formerly Known as the Hymen & the Myths That Surround It . But, some people do end up bleeding the first time due to things like being tense or not using enough lube. Do either of those possibilities apply to your situation?

Too, it's not unusual to have a period start a few days earlier (or later) than expected. If the bleeding continued after the initial incident for several days and felt and looked like your periods usually do, then that could be what happened.

Considering this my first time, I thought bleeding would be normal due to tightness. My boyfriend suggested that he may have been to rough or he started my period. So you’re saying blood for the first time isn’t normal?

Bleeding actually isn't something that has to happen during a first time, and it often won't if everyone involved is doing the things that keep bleeding from happening any time, like being very turned on, use of lubricant, and partners not being too aggressive. Intercourse also doesn't make the vaginal opening any more "loose" or flexible: it's flexible already and it won't become any less springy, or change size, due to intercourse.

We don't have a lot of data on bleeding and first times, but what we do have -- and what we know about this anatomy already in general -- suggests that bleeding isn't that common, and when it doesn't happen, it's about things like being afraid, not using lube and partners being rough.