Scarleteen

So, we started flirting a couple days ago, and we've come to the conclusion that we want a relationship, the person I'm starting this relationship with use ey/em pronouns(they/them pronouns without the th), which is already going to be weird to explain. Ey are also in a poly relationship with two other girls, which is part of a larger polycule. Ey are also genderflux, and are accepting of me being a trans woman. However, we have yet to meet in person and ey want to call me and exchange numbers and voice call me over the internet. My folks don't know yet, and I would like to call my partner/datemate without any questions on who I'm talking to. I'm concerned my folks will disapprove or something, any ideas on how I could tell my folks?

Hi Kittypink,

There are a few different approaches you could try, depending on what feels most comfortable and safe to you. One option is to take the phone call somewhere outside, away from where your family is, so that you don't have to answer questions about it right away. You could also keep your answer simple by saying you're talking to a long-distance friend. Do you have somewhere private in the house where you can take these calls?

You could also tell them you're talking to a partner/datemate, but if I'm remembering our previous conversations correctly your family isn't always supportive when it comes to things like your dating preferences or non-binary identities. Do you think they'd respond negatively if you told them Ey was a partner (or potential partner)?

I'm not sure how they would respond, and given the size of my house there really isn't any place besides my room where I have privacy. The only phone I have at the moment that has service, is one that my mother might snoop on, so taking a call outside isn't much of an option. And I'm not sure how my mother or my grandmother feels about me having long-distance friends, so I'm not sure how that whole excuse would work.

Honestly, I"m with Sam here in that your best bet is to say you have a long-distance friend if they ask questions. Then, all you can do is see how your mother or grandmother react. As you know, you don't have much influence with them, and their behaviour and attitudes are simply outside your control.

Like Sam said, trying to explain things like genderfluid identities or poly structures to your family seems pretty pointless since you already know they can't even manage really 101 information or ideas in this vein. So, I'd keep your information simple and basic: you're talking to a friend, which is all this person really is right now anyway since you only started flirting a couple days ago.