Scarleteen

Hi I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. This is the longest relationship I have ever had and for the most part we are very honest and open with each other. We have been sexually active before but have not had sex, I'm still a virgin and not getting what I want out of our sexual relationship to want to further that step. The anxiety I was getting from being alone with him because we'd probably end up doing some sort of sexual activity and most of it I really don't get any pleasure out of. The only thing that really brings me any pleasure is dry humping or rubbing against him and he absolutely hates it. We've taken about a month off from any sexual activity and part of that is because I needed a break and part of that is also I haven't been getting what I want emotionally out of this relationship intimacy wise. I sat him down and told him this, and he told me that he is starting to resent me for not having sex with him. He said thats not fair of him to think and he doesn't want me to push myself into doing something I don't want to do but he says none the less its how he is starting to feel. When I told him I'm not getting what I want emotionally or physically intimately he said he's done all he can do and it's up to me, he doesn't think it's his technique he thinks it's the fact that I just don't enjoy what we do. There's nothing left for us to do besides sex on the physical intimacy scale. I'm unsure of how to approach this. On one hand I don't necessarily want to break up, I'd like to try and work through this, but I don't want to date someone who resents me for not having sex with them (especially after such a short time dating and that he knew from day one of dating that I was a virgin and this was going to take time) and I don't want to date someone who isn't willing to try and pleasure me as much as I am trying to pleasure him. Does this mean this is the end of our relationship or is there a way to work on this? I hadn't been feeling any desire to be sexual with him based on our emotional state of the relationship and now its even worse because I don't want to physically intimate with someone who resents me either. I've also noticed that since we've stopped being physical my desire to masturbate has kind of returned. Help? What does this all mean and what can I do?
Thank you

If your boyfriend is actively feeling resentful that you don't want to have intercourse with him, and he isn't willing to change up how he does other kinds of sexual activities or focus on what feels good to you, I honestly don't see a clear path forward for this relationship.

You say you don't want to date someone who isn't willing to focus on your pleasure, but it sounds like he's said pretty clearly that he doesn't think he needs to, and that if you aren't enjoying things that's your problem and not his. You may be willing to try to work through this conflict, but if he isn't willing to find other ways to be physically intimate that you both enjoy, or to address his own feelings of resentment, sadly there really isn't anything you can do to change his attitude. It could be that this relationship has run its course, I'm sorry to say.