Scarleteen

Hi there -
I'm a 28 year old bi-curious female who has only orgasmed with 1 partner at age 17-19 years old. I have had only male partners since then and have had some mini-traumas sexually which I believe have caused me to not fully enjoy sexual activity. I have come to terms with them in the past 3 years and have been actively doing research both by reading, watching porn, asking people, trying new things with partners and on my own. I am currently unable to orgasm. I am able to reach a 8/9 point for a few minutes (with a partner) and for a few seconds (on my own) and then it feels like i plateau out. all of it just stops suddenly and I'm not able to have the release of an orgasm. Things that I have realized about myself in this process is that I need to trust the other person, that I need to be in a safe location, that i need to set the mood (be in my own room with no possibility of other people walking in etc), i get in my head but I am actively recognizing that in the moment and coming back to the present moment. When i am with a partner, and am at a 8/9 i am no longer in my head because it feels so good. But then I don't know how to finish! It hurts sometimes because it feels so good but i can't do anything about it. It's like being tickled for 20 minutes and not being able to move or get away from the tickeler. Please help! What else can I try? Is this normal?!

Hi onthejourney,

It sounds like you've been experimenting with lots of approaches to try and resolve the frustration you're feeling, which is rad! Since you mention that you've experienced trauma that may be influencing how you feel about sexual activity, can I ask if you ever received any counseling or other support in recovering from those traumas?

If you haven't yet done so, try taking a look at this article: The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum . Looking at the information in it, are there any suggestions in there that are new to you or that you'd be interested in trying? Since you've been doing a lot of research already, you may have run across at least some of the advice we could give you, so I don't want to suggest approaches that you've found aren't working for you.