Scarleteen

1. My friends are really accepting of my identity. They try their best to use my name and pronouns and to be sensitive. But sometimes they bring up things that make me very uncomfortable. My best friend (cis gay male) who has a very sexual sense of humor randomly asked me and another friend (gender fluid pansexual) if we masturbated. He immediately said that yes, he did, and my other friend, C, just laughed and said she does sometimes. I put my head down on the table and tugged at my hair because it's a very... touchy subject. Honestly, yes, I do masturbate. Only because I'm a horny teenager who needs to get off just like anyone else, not because I like the thought of sticking a dildo in a body part I'm not meant to have. It's only in the heat of the moment when I'm breathing shallow and biting my lip that I feel good, but when I'm done this overwhelming depression comes over me. What can I do about this? Should/can I keep getting off?

2- This kid keeps making fun of me. It's not a cool, popular kid. It's the "village idiot." He called me a dickless man/a chode, a scrawny little fag, a pussy and tried to physically fight me. He told me I'm just mad no boys want to suck my clit. And it's not like anyone else is like this, I get called "he/him" "man/bro/dude" quite a lot. I get nodded at/acknowledged by other boys in the halls and I'm just one of the guys. But this dude is just pissing me off. I've told counselors who make me write him up, but he'll stop for a few days then start again. How do I deal with this lovely character?

Hi Boone,

With masturbation, it's ultimately up to you whether you want to continue doing it, or if you feel like the depression that comes after isn't quite worth it right now. You're certainly not the first trans person to run up against this issue, and because of that we ended up addressing masturbation as part of our trans summer school series: Trans Summer School: Dating While Trans, Yes You Can! . If you want to keep masturbating, have you found if there are any ways of doing so that don't seem to trip your dysphoria (for instance, some trans guys find it easier to focus on the external genitals rather than on inserting something)? If not, is that something you're comfortable exploring or does it feel like it might make you feel worse? And with this friend, or other friends, are you looking for ways to ask them to not bring up certain topics with you?

As for the decidedly unpleasant dude you're dealing with (and I'm so sorry about that, it can majorly suck to have one person who is just devoted to being transphobic), have you explained to the counselors or other staff that the write-ups don't change anything long term? And, since he's tried to physically fight you at least once, do you feel like you're at a physical risk from him? Or did that seem like a one-time thing that he's unlikely to try again?