Is fingering considered rape?

[Jess@888]

My previous dating relationship was emotionally and sexually abusive as my ex sexually coerced me to have oral sex and sex. He sexually assaulted me without my consent and I was silent and could not say anything. I say someone else's post about fingering without consent. My ex fingered and tried to penetrate my g-spot without my consent, is that sexual assault or rape. These terms are quite confusing.

Thank you

[Heather]

By all means, those terms are confusing. A big part of why is that "sexual assault" is a term with a specifically legal origin, whereas "rape" is a more broad cultural and general term. But, for the most part, they're synonyms: they mean the same thing. They both refer to sexual contact or activity done without someone's express permission or against their will.

All of what you are describing can be called both sexual assault or rape, and which you call them (and you can use both, if you like), is about what language you prefer.

[Jess@888]

Ok, thank you for the explaniation. How come sexual trauma is hard to process and hard to forget about what happened. Is this a form of PTSD possibly?

[Heather]

Before we continue here, can I ask you to check in with me on the question I asked in your other thread? I just want to make sure our discussions don't conflict with what your counselor is asking you to do, because I don't want to unwittingly sabotage the work you're doing with her. <3

[Jess@888]

No, it is ok as long as I do not overly analyze of talk about it with people that know me. However, one of the posts here got me thinking if this is considered rape bc my ex did it without my consent.

[Heather]

Thanks for clearing that up.

I'm sure that your counselor has already answered this for you, but if you're looking for more validation, again, rape or sexual assault are what we call it when someone does something sexual to someone else against their will and/or without their consent. Whether they do that with a penis,a finger or an object is irrelevant. Make sense?

[Jess@888]

Yes, thank you and it makes sense now.

[Heather]

How are you doing today, Jess? Know you've been struggling with all this a lot, so just checking in on you.

[Jess@888]

Hey Heather, I am doing good and I am enjoying my summer and being single. However, this is still hard to process I am going to start reading Chapter 3 for the book that my counselor assigned me to read and I am going to write my boundaries for dating. This has not been easy as I had more difficult time processing this when I realized it. Overall, I am starting not to talk about it that much except when I have a flashback or something triggers it.

Thank you, Heather