Scarleteen

Hey,
So a bit of my history, last summer I had unprotected vaginal sex once, and since I’ve had sex with 4 different guys using a condom. I’ve had unprotected oral sex with 6 guys total. I have a new boyfriend and we have had sex once, and I bled onto his sheets some. Every time I finger myself I find tinges of blood and it hurts my lower abdomen. I am worried I have an std. My mom found out in November I had unprotected sex, but only the one time, and she was heart broken I wasn’t a virgin. She said she was going to take me to the gyno but that never happened. I’ve briefly told her things like that my period is irregular (it comes early/late sometimes but it’s not too big of an issue, I just want an excuse to go to the doctor). I had yeast infection symptoms before and she just got me creme from target. I told her it burns to pee hoping she’d take me for a UTI check out, but she just told me to drink cranberry juice. I am considering going to a free std clinic, but I am only 15 and cannot drive myself. I could walk there since it’s a mile away, but I am afraid if I do have an std I won’t be able to get treated. If my mom does eventually take me to the gyno (which I really should... I’m sexually active and I have a lot of suspicious symptoms) and they say I have an STD she’d be furious and I would be so embarrassed. What should I do???? Plus, I want her to trust my new boyfriend. We are responsible and use condoms and he pulls out before even ejaculating in the condom. I am also afraid that I may have given him an STD if I’m positive.

Mainly, how can I get my mom to take me to the gyno/should I go alone?
And what do I do if I do have an std?

Hi Spotteddog,

Given how your mom has responded to you asking before, it sounds like it's time to take matters into your own hands and go to the clinic yourself. When you say you're worried you won't be able to get treated if you go alone, are you thinking in terms of paying for treatment, or something else?

If you want to try once more to get your mom to help you arrange an OB-GYN appointment, a good approach would be to ask her directly rather than hinting at symptoms (if you haven't already done so). So you know, if you were to go to an appointment with her, they wouldn't be able to tell her anything without your permission (or unless she was sitting in the room, which a lot of doctors discourage parents from doing). Too, most STI test results don't come back right away, so they'd be calling you with them rather than telling you at the appointment. Does that all make sense?

Yes, thank you. I am worried about getting treatment money wise, I have some money but I am not sure how much that would cost. I will try to go to the clinic this week, I emailed them asking how long the process would take because I can’t be away from home too long. Thanks again

Yes, thank you. I am worried about getting treatment money wise, I have some money but I am not sure how much that would cost. I will try to go to the clinic this week, I emailed them asking how long the process would take because I can’t be away from home too long. Thanks again

Hey spotteddog,

Glad to hear you went ahead and reached out the clinic! The appointment shouldn't take long--but you can ask if they often run behind in their appointments. They should also be able to tell you what payment options there are for teens who have limited access to money.

I also want to just add in here that most STIs are easily treated, and you should expect anyone working at a sexual health clinic to be non-judgmental, and to make all of this as easy for you as possible, including any kind of treatment you might need, whether we're talking about any of this stemming from an STI, or a different kind of infection like a UTI, or something else altogether.

I hope you realize that you don't have any cause for shame here: we can get sick from sex just like we can from shaking hands or being on the bus with people, sexually transmitted illness is just like any other kind of infection, it's just about how our bodies are vulnerable to viruses or parasites, not about anything being the matter with sex or this being some kind of punishment. And safer sex makes a huge difference with preventing STIs, but even then, sometimes it doesn't work. So, no one should ever be angry with anyone for contracting an illness from sex, just like they shouldn't be if you picked up a cold on the bus, okay?

I say all that because it sounds like you have some scared and hard feelings around all of this. If you want to unpack those more, feel free to ask.