Acceptance from my family

[Isa1031]

I'm in my freshman year of high school and for about a year now, or close to it, I've been questioning my sexuality. I know I'm into men but I also think that I may be into women. My parents are divorced and I know my mom will be okay with it, but I'm not sure how my dad and stepmom would react and I'm unsure of their views on LGBTQ+. I'm also worried about the reaction of my stepsister (who I think of as a sister), who's two years older than me, and my biological brother, who's the same age as my sister. My best friend of almost five years isn't homophobic, but her religion doesn't support gay marriage or the LGBTQ+ community in general, so her reaction worries me. This is a confusing and scary feeling, but I'm worried that I may not be able to explore it until college where I can explore it without everyone (my family, friends, etc) knowing how I'm feeling before I truly understand it myself. Any advice on how to deal with questioning your sexuality and how to talk to your friends and family about it? Thank you

[Sam W]

Hi Isa,

It sounds like you're dealing with some questions that feel pretty big right now, so let's see if we can break them down into chunks.

When it comes to your orientation, what would be the way we could best help you? We could talk about ways people determine what identity feels right to them, or ways people approach the process of questioning their orientation, or something else entirely.

With telling your friends and family about this, this article has some really good tips: Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out . Would you feel comfortable talking to your mom about it first so that your first interaction is with someone who's supportive? And with your dad and step-family, do you think it would be worth trying to bring up LGBTQ+ people in the news or in pop culture and seeing how they react (that same strategy might also work with your best friend)?

[Isa1031]

Thank you for answering. I'm really unsure on how to determine if being bisexual truly fits me and how to deal with questioning my sexuality in general. This whole feeling is relatively new so I'm not sure how to go about it.

In regards to how I'd tell my family, thank you for the advice. I think testing the waters, so to speak, by bringing up so LGBTQ+ related things around them could really help me discover their stances in all this. I have trouble talking with my mom already so I'm extremely nervous to bring something such as this up. Do you suggest I wait until I'm more sure of my sexual identity before I bring it up, or that it's okay to talk to her about it when I'm still quite unsure? Thank you for replying once again.

Have a good day, - Isa

[Siân]

Hey Isa

It's ok to not have all the answers straight away, figuring out your sexuality is usually a process that happens over time, and is not usually set in stone. It's totally valid to identify as Questioning in the meantime if that feels right to you. If you're deciding if bisexual is a good fit as an identifier, you might like to read through this advice column: How do I find out if I'm bi or not? Does anything in that ring true for you?

In terms of who you speak to and when, you know your mom best so I'm not going to tell you exactly what to do. If you like, you could start by laying a bit of groundwork by bringing up LGBTQ+ things that aren't about you, so you both get a chance to get comfortable speaking about these things together, and you might get a sense of what information you want to go to her with and when. Questions you can ask yourself are things like what do you want from these conversations with your mom? Do you want to speak to her about the process of questioning, or prefer to come to her with something you feel pretty confident in?