Scarleteen

Hi, I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 17. We have been dating since I was a freshamn. Last August we started having sex. We only had sex a few times since it's hard to find time alone. Anyways, he was helping me iwth my geography assignment cuz he took the course last year. We were making out, but I wanted to finished my homework. He ripped my underwear and kinda made it happen. Afterwards, he saw that I was crying and he apologized. He said that I was so pretty that he couldn't control himself. I dunno about that. He knows that I'm really upset so he's been super nice to me. He's been carryiing my books at school and sending me sweet messages on IG even though his boyz are ragging on him. Still I don't want to be alone with him anymore. I want to talk to my friends, but their still virgins and I don't want them call me a thot or something. So I lied to him and said that I was grounded. but he saw me and my friend leaving Sephora and got mad at me. I feel so confused. I am in love with him but i am sad that he hurt me. All the other times I wanted to, but that one time I didn't want to. He was confused cause I always wanted to before. How do I stop my boyfriend from being mad at me?

Hello, IWokeUpLikeThis, and welcome to the boards.

Consent is not something you give only once. It can always be withdrawn. You can say yes today and say no tomorrow. You can say yes to "X" thing and say no to "Y" thing. You can even say yes now, and say NO one minute later. In a healthy relationship consent is not a contract or unnecessary.

I can totally understand that you don't want to be alone with your boyfriend and seriously, it doesn't sound like a safe person to be with. Sounds like he didn't respect much your boundaries that day and is totally okay that you feel sad or upset about it. You are asking how to make him stop being mad at you but the truth is, things doesn't work that way. You can't control what other people do or feel, that's their responsability, along with their actions. And saying something like: "You are so pretty, I couldn't control myself" is a big lie. Control -- or consent -- is not about how pretty or not someone else is, is about care, and respect. Is about doing the right thing.

You say you don't feel okay talking to your friends. Is there someone else you feel comfortable talking to? A family member, sister, aunt, cousin, teacher, mentor? I think it could be very beneficial for you to talk with someone who cares about you. Is this something yoo would like to do or feel comfortable doing?

I'm going to leave a couple of links for you that I think could be good for you to read so if you feel like giving them a chance, just read away. If after reading them you want to talk more about it, you know where to find us.

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse ... ng_consent

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... _been_rape