crush on "straight" best friend?

[withthesewings]

I'm a 14 year old girl and I've known for a long time that I'm definitely not straight. I usually identify as queer (or homoromantic bisexual if you want to be specific). I'm still not out of the closet, although almost everyone I know is very supportive of the LGBT community and I'm planning on coming out very soon.

The thing is, I have a huge crush on my best friend I've known for like 10 years and I think she's straight, but I can't really be certain. We always lean on each other's shoulders and we hug and we flirt a lot. She's very supportive of the LGBTQ community though and will definitely accept my sexuality. I just don't know how she'll respond if I confess to her and I don't want to wreck our friendship.

And the only reason I want to confess now is because this other guy in my design class likes her as well and he's planning on asking her out very soon. And I know it's selfish but imagining them together makes me sick.

What I'm asking is, should I confess to my best friend / is there a chance she's also into girls / how do I get over her (I tried avoiding her, okay, it didn't work)?

Thanks.

[Sam W]

Hi withthesewings,

Ooof, that sounds like a tough place to be in. I think going the honest route with her is sound here, provided that you feel safe doing so. The reason I say that is that, if you don't talk to her about it it's going to be this huge "but what if" circling around in your brain. So, I would work out how and what, exactly, you want to tell her (write it out if you have to) and how you are going to respond to different reactions on her part. That way, you'll feel prepared to talk to her.

It may very well be that she doesn't reciprocate and things get awkward as a result. If that's the case, you both may find you need to dial back seeing each other, at least while you recalibrate your feelings. But friendships can survive a declaration of unrequited feelings, provided that everyone involved respects each others boundaries.

[AvocadoLime]

Is there a way for you to find out if she is queer without saying that you specifically have a crush on her? If she is queer, then open up about your feelings, and if she isn't, the situation might be less awkward and you still get your answer.