SCARED ABOUT STI

[Angel2018]

Please help me clear up my mind and help me get my facts straight. Because right now, I have been stressed out for the past 3days, not sleeping or eating.

As far as I know, I've only been sexually active recently. I can re call all of my experiences and for some reason my illogical side just seems to take over me.

Me and my boyfriend of two months now decided to get STI testing on August 10,2018.
We have engaged in unprotected sex multiple times. He got tested a month before we met and he told me he got tested 2 weeks after having protected sex with 4 different people. He told me his results came to be negative. I was confident at the moment and we had unprotected sex.but recently I started having vaginal discomfort. That's when I convinced him to get tested with me. Right now were just waiting for the results and I cant stop freaking out. That he might have given me something or I might have given him something.

This was my first time getting tested because this is the second time I've had sexual intercourse unprotected with someone.

I have a few questions about different scenarios.

1. What is the likelyhood of me having an STI if me and a partner has never been with any other people and never had any sexual contact with anyone? My very first boyfriend was a long term relationship of 6 years (15-21yrs old) we never had any vaginal or any intercourse, but we did a lot of foreplay. We've never been with anyone but each other. What is the likelyhood of any of us having an STI?

2. My second encounter was with a friend. He guaranteed me hes regularly tested and the only thing I did with him was oral sex and kissing. What is the likelihood of me catching and STI and the possibility of HIV through oral?

3. My third encounter was with another person. This time it was different because I was put into a situation where I was too late to realize and stop it. I had unprotected sex with this person. And it was my first time. He assured me he was wearing a condom. But it was too late for me because I did not know the difference. He assured me that he is clean because the last time he got tested was when he was with his ex of two years and since then the only person he had unprotected sex with is me. What is the likelihood of me catching an STI or HIV from this?

Please help me ease my mind.

[Siân]

hi Angel2018

Have you looked at this article? Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That? It tells you about the levels of risk from different activities. Of course, using barriers or doing those activities who have been tested appropriately reduces those risks.

Generally, when making the decisions to start having unprotected sex with a new partner we recommend 1. Both partners getting full STI panels, 2. Using barriers consistently for the next six months, and 3. Both partners getting another set of full (negative) STI panels before abandoning barriers. This is because whilst some of the common STIs are detectable in tests after 2 weeks, some take several months to show up in tests. Does that make sense?

I wanted to ask about the 3rd person you mentioned in your post, because I'm a little concerned. You said you were put into a situation that you weren't able to stop - it doesn't really sound to me like that was something you truly wanted and felt able to say yes or no to, is that right?

[Angel2018]

For my partner right now his very last test was 84 days ago and it was negative. If the recent test comes back negative on his side can I rely on the result to be conclusive. I'm really concern about HIV. Even though he told me his recent encounter 3 months ago he was protected.

And on my side this is my first time I got an sti test because I just recently started becoming sexually active. If my test comes back negative can I rely on the result that I am clean. Because my past encounters have ensured me that they are sti free. The third encounter I mentioned, he told me that he was wearing a condom. And then I felt him finish inside, that's when I realize it was too late.it was my first time. At the time I was afraid of pregnancy because I was not concern about sti because he ensured me that the last time he got tested was a year ago and it was with his ex. And he has not had any other encounter but me after his ex. Can I rely on the fact that his negative result a year ago is reliable enough.

I'm just stressing and filled with anxiety because I feel like I just made a terrible mistake. I dont wanna live with anxiety and stress for the next 6 months . Because the past week I have lost quite a bit of weight from stress.

[Sam W]

Hi Angel,

I'm sorry this stress is taking such a toll on you. Really, your best bet in trying to figure out whether or not you have an STI is to wait for those test results to come back (and when they do, you can assume the results are accurate). Trying to guess based on what other partners have told you about their status, especially when one of them clearly can't be trusted, is just going to add to your stress. Do you have some time today that you can set aside specifically for self-care? Maybe pick out a few things from this article to do for yourself? Self-Care a La Carte

So, that partner who told you he was wearing a condom when he wasn't did something referred to as "stealthing" which is considered a form of sexual assault (because he did not have your consent to engage in unprotected sex). That's really not okay thing for him to have done, and I'm sorry you had to deal with it. How are you feeling about that incident? And how are you feeling about the possibility of being sexual with your new partner?

[Angel2018]

I can't do anything about the incident since I agreed to sleep with him but I just did not know it will turn out to be like that. Right now , I have a lot of anxiety being physical with anyone. Which is giving me a lot of stress. Because I know sex is important in a relationship.

But more of my worries is that I have HIV. I don't know why I jumped into that conclusion but it is really getting to me. What is the risk of getting Hiv from giving oral sex?

[Sam W]

Just so you know, consenting to have protected sex with that person was not also consent to having unprotected sex. When we talk about consent, we talk about the idea that it applies to each activity within an instance of being sexual, not the instance as a whole. For example, consenting to oral sex doesn't mean you consent to vaginal sex as well, and your partner shouldn't try to have vaginal sex without checking with you first. The same rule applies to things like using protection. All that is to say that what happened during that incident was not your fault. Does that make sense?

Have you ever spoken to a mental healthcare provider about this anxiety? It sounds like it's causing you a lot of stress, and it might be time to call in some resources to help you address that anxiety. And while you're right that being sexual is an important relationship component for many people, a good partner would much rather limit what they do sexually than have you doing something that's causing you anxiety. Do you feel like you could set limits with your partner so that the two of you are only doing sexual things that you're comfortable with?

You can see the risk level of HIV transmission from oral sex in that first article Sian gave you. With these tests you and your boyfriend are waiting on the results of, did your healthcare provider tell you what STIs they were checking for?

[Angel2018]

The test we both took is a urine and blood test for chlamydia, gonorrhea, hep b, sab, sag, core, hep c, syphilis, HIV. The test result should be out by tomorrow morning and I cant calm down. When the test result comes out, can I trust the result is conclusive specifically for my boyfriend. Because the last encounter he had with a different person was 84days ago. and he told he was wearing a condom. If the test is negative for HIV can I trust that result is conclusive and I dont need any further testing.

I am from canada and I dont know what resources I can access to deal with my anxiety.

[Sam W]

Thank for clarifying, I wanted to be sure you'd had a pretty full panel of STI tests, given your worries. As for your question about HIV, to quote from this article Positively Informed: An HIV/AIDS Roundup ,"The window period is the time from when someone is infected with HIV to when someone actually shows up positive on an HIV test. Most rapid HIV tests look for antibodies that your body makes in response to HIV infection. Around 97% of people with HIV will have these antibodies within 1 month of infection, but some folks take up to 3 months to make these antibodies." But really, once you get the results you can assume they are accurate unless a healthcare provider adds some sort of caveat to them. Too, something to keep in mind is that if you decide to be sexually active with this partner after you get your test results, making an agreement to always use latex barriers of some kind during sex will go a long way towards decreasing your risks and potentially lowering your anxiety. Do you think the two of you can set that limit?

As for finding some mental health resources in your area, one place to start is with some of the resources listed on this site: https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/ ... lness.html . I'd also suggest giving this article a read, as it covers steps for finding a mental health professional to work with one on one: Process This: Getting the Most Out of Therapy . Looking at those resources, do you see one or two steps you could take today to help you find the support you need?

[Angel2018]

Great news the tests are all negative. But i have a new problem. I've been having light brown discharge for the past 4 days. It looks like spotting. My last period was from August 1 to August 6. It's important to note that I've been on the pill for 6 months. My periods have been coming in normally and on time, the periods are Heavy usually. I peed on a stick on August 1 and it came out negative, then my period came later that day. Now 2 weeks later I'm having spotting. Could I be pregnant? I'm so terrified that this is ectopic pregnancy. Please help what should I do.

[Heather]

It sounds like you're just feeling scared in general -- and probably still dealing with some emotional fallout of how you have been feeling -- and attaching it to really unlikely things. As you may know, per our policies, we won't engage with pregnancy scares. You've already tested, though, so you know the answer about pregnancy, anyway.

What you'll want to just do with this is call into the healthcare provider you just saw and tell them about this. Chances are they'll tell you that spotting is just something that happens sometimes, and given they just gave you a bunch of tests, you shouldn't worry about it. But you can make sure they say that for yourself. Okay?