Scarleteen

I need some advice on how to properly communicate with my long term boyfriend.

He is very playful, and likes to tickle me, blow raspberries and stuff like that. I have sensitive issues. I don't want to self DX, but sensory processing disorder is what I feel I have. So this is something that, as an 18 year old, I need to get a handle on and am workong on it. But I know that its going to be tough.
Whenever my boyfriend does these playful things, I freak out. I can't handle being touched on my stomach like that and tickling is almost painful for me. He gets on top of me because I writhe violently to get away-ots really irrational but also I feel I cant control my body- and he traps me, thinking were having fun. It should be, and part of it is. But I have to say stop, or please don't touch my stomach right now yet he keeps going and I get more and more panicked if i break away and he keeps grabbing her gets mad eventually because he is trying to show affection and I cant handle it.

What do i do? How can I over come these sensory problems enough to have fun with him? And how can I make him understand the boundaries that I need aren't because I dont love him or want to have fun, but because of something personal

Hi titanddragons,

This does sound like a frustrating situation. I'm going to set aside he question of how to cope with the sensory sensitivity, since that's not really something we can help with. Too, parts of it may not be things you can overcome. Bodies are sensitive things, and most of us will have spots on them that we simply cannot stand people touching. For example, I cannot handle people tickling my feet, and when my partner tried it when we were goofing around, I kicked him on instinct. I apologized, since it hadn't occurred to me to warn him, but he also apologized and then didn't do it again because it was clear that wasn't a fun spot for me to have touched.

Which brings me to the dynamic happening with your boyfriend right now. First of all, have you told him about this sensitivity stuff during a time when he hasn't already started trying to tickle you and asked that he not do certain things (or that he respects you when you say "stop" when he's touching you)? If not, that's the first thing to do. If you have had that conversation, how did he react?

I also want to say that it's not actually okay for him to get mad at you for not enjoying this or freaking out when he traps you and keeps doing something to you that overwhelms your body in a bad way. It may indeed be a way he expresses affection, but not every way of expressing affection works for every partner. Since this isn't something you enjoy, he needs to stop and find other ways of showing his affection. Does that make sense?