How do you maintain a positive relationship with yourself?

[Sam W]

If you've been around Scarleteen even just for a little bit of time, you'll notice we often encourage people to devote at least a little time and energy to building and maintaining a relationship with themselves. One of the reasons we say that is because there's a tendency for some people to build their sense of self solely on their relationships (especially romantic relationships) with other people. Beyond that, you are the only person who will be around yourself every moment of your life, so it makes sense to develop a positive relationship with that person.

For example, I still take myself on dates or go solo to events, because I find there's a particular kind of pleasure in going somewhere and only having to consider what I want to do while I'm there. I have friends who love going to movies on their own. On a smaller, everyday scale I have a workbook I use for self-reflection that helps me get to know my own inner workings on a deeper level.

How about y'all?

[Hollytiger]

I think this is so important to keep in mind. Having a positive relationship with myself is something I try to work on every day, personally. I hope lots of others are doing that as well.

Sometimes I go overboard, but I like to read articles on self-help for anxiety, positive psychology, neuroplasticity, things of that nature...It's calming that there's so much information out there to potentially help. Even if I can't process it all, there's just something relaxing about reading with a general goal to improve yourself or your state of mind.

A big thing I've been working on lately, that I think has really been re-framing a lot of my personal negativity, is self-compassion and forgiveness. When the fearful thoughts come, I just try to see them and feel them; not react to them. Easier said than done when my stress response is physically going off, but talking back to fear and even saying something in my head like "Hi fear, I see that you're here" kind of minimizes it.

Also, this is a small thing but I started using an app called Daylio. It's just a simple journal app that checks in with you at a certain time and reminds you to make an entry. You can choose how you're feeling (good/bad/meh, etc) and label what you're doing along with any details you want to add. I suppose it's the same effect as writing in a journal. I find that since it's so small and personal, it makes me feel like I did something for just me. And there's something nice about that.