Is it an orgasm?

[Lia]

Ok, so I'm a 17yo girl and I've been masturbating for about three years now. I do it almost nightly (so obviously I must be getting something out of the experience). The feeling is like, at first a hot, exciting tingly need to do something which grows into a dedicated buildup of pressure and then the pressure kind of finishes going up and my stomach and legs tense a bit and then I feel calm and sleepy. It's kind of like going up a very small and disappointing rollercoaster.

I own a bunch of sex toys (which make it quicker and saved me a bunch of hand cramps) and have tried SO many different types of stimulation, internal and external and everything, and read so many articles (still can't find my g-spot though) but the height of sensation is just this feeling of 'doneness'. The anticipation of masturbating (the getting aroused part etc.) is a lot more interesting and stimulating than the actual event. I'm a highly realistic and cynical person so I wasn't expecting any fireworks or total blackout or eyes rolling back or anything- but I've never even made a sound (I mean, I've tried doing it on purpose but it's weird and forced and obviously no fun) or jerked a leg or stopped thinking about whatever book I'm reading. All in all, a highly unsatisfying experience. [I've experienced the elusive female ejaculation twice and both times it was with new toys and both times I didn't even reach the doneness feeling.] [also worth noting that I get turned on by the kinkier side of things and a LOT of fanfic but find video-porn weird, and for whatever reason I can't get the pressure buildup at all when I'm lying on my back for some reason??? If anyone knows what the deal with that one is I'd love to know...]

I'm fairly pessimistically sure that my doneness feeling is an orgasm but I thought I'd ask you people as you seem to know your stuff. If it is, is this all I'll ever get? Do I just have an un-sensitive vagina? (I've never even got the slightest bit of pleasure from any internal stimulation at all). Is there a way to make it better? If yes, please remember that I really. have. tried. everything. (shower heads, fingers variating 1-5, stimulating each part of everything in every possible way, dildos, vibrators of every possible size and colour, every possible hand movement known to man, lying on my back, my front, my side, humping stuff, tying my wrists up, pain, edging, etc) and therefore telling me to 'experiment more' is a little redundant at this point. (and if you're going to suggest going at it with someone else, I'm introverted and geeky and therefore don't really talk to people that much and so it's not really an option but that's a whole other issue.) I'm seventeen so, to quote Xander Harris, 'looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex'- I'm so frakking horny and unfulfilled and it makes me constantly sort of passive aggressive and bitchy.
Please please assist!

[Siân]

Hi Lia,

I'm going to paste what Heather said in response to (I assume) this question in another thread:

Hey there, Lia. I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated!

For sure, orgasm can be much milder than expected sometimes, or in general. But when you kept talking about how you have tried everything, something stuck out for me, which is that you only seemed to be talking about physical things: actions, toys, body places, adjustments, etc.

Why that sticks out for me given your voiced complaints is that how "strong" an orgasm is often has as much to do with what we are thinking and feelings as what is physically happening (sometimes more so!). So, I wonder, by yourself, where is your head at in all of this? Are you very turned on, are you engaging in fantasy that fits what turns you on, are you feeling super-into your own body, just as a few places to start? When you talk about not feeling a lot of stimulation sometimes, I wonder what was going on in your head, because the more turned on we get, the more sensitive all our sensitive parts tend to become.

Too, sometimes people find that once they're ready for partners, sex (of any kind) can tend to be a more intense experience. For some people, that means being more turned on at the start and throughout, and that can change how orgasm goes, too. Of course, for other people, that can translate into more nerves and LESS arousal, so YMMV. Sounds like you're not feeling that yet -- or what you'd need to do to even get there socially -- but just dropping it here so you know it may change things in the future if and when you are.

Does anything in there resonate with you?

[just so you know, it is fine to post this kind of thing in the "Ask us" section too]