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My mum pretends im strait
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Koro704
- not a newbie
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2018 6:28 pm
- Age: 20
- Awesomeness Quotient: my gayness makes me cry rainbows, its infectious;)
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: Queer
- Location: london
My mum pretends im strait
hey, I'm a 14 yr old girl and ive allways thought about girls and guys as potential people I could love, I kept it relatively quiet because my mum use to be abusive and COMPLETELY against anything "gay" in our family, even if that meant a rainbow. I realised kind of fast that not everyone falls in love with girls too and I kept my "phase" to myself until recently but something happened in my home where I had to live with my dad away from my mum. My social worker at the time asked me simple things like "are you sexually active" (no) and "whats your sexuality" I replied clearly with "I'm experimenting but I dont want my mum to know" then she proceeded to tell m it was "confidential". a week later she had written a report about me saying I identified as "transgender" and that I was completely gay! My mum, now that I live with her, refuses to acknowledge anything about LGBTQ+ and acts like I'm strait.. I want to start acting and dressing how id like but she wont accept it.... what can I do?
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Siân
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 785
- Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2017 6:10 am
- Age: 34
- Awesomeness Quotient: I ask ALLLLL the questions
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: Figuring it out
- Location: UK
Re: My mum pretends im strait
Hi Koro,
So your social worker told your family something you'd asked to keep private - and didn't even get the facts right? I've asked around and it's normal for social workers to write reports that are shared with people like your doctor, and sometimes your family. They should also be able to keep some things private as long as they don't think it puts you at risk. What this means is that you can ask them not to put something in those reports or to make sure that that bit of the report isn't shared with your family - maybe double check with them what they will and won't keep confidential? You could even ask them to write it down.
You mentioned that your mum has a history of being abusive, do you think she's someone it would be safe for you to be out around right now? I get that you want to start being able to express these parts of you, I wonder if there are other people you could be getting support from first - maybe another family member or friend? Have you looked into what resources are available in your area for LGBT+ youth? Would you like some help thinking through some of these options?
Maybe take a moment to read through this too, just in case you need it: The Scarleteen Safety Plan
So your social worker told your family something you'd asked to keep private - and didn't even get the facts right? I've asked around and it's normal for social workers to write reports that are shared with people like your doctor, and sometimes your family. They should also be able to keep some things private as long as they don't think it puts you at risk. What this means is that you can ask them not to put something in those reports or to make sure that that bit of the report isn't shared with your family - maybe double check with them what they will and won't keep confidential? You could even ask them to write it down.
You mentioned that your mum has a history of being abusive, do you think she's someone it would be safe for you to be out around right now? I get that you want to start being able to express these parts of you, I wonder if there are other people you could be getting support from first - maybe another family member or friend? Have you looked into what resources are available in your area for LGBT+ youth? Would you like some help thinking through some of these options?
Maybe take a moment to read through this too, just in case you need it: The Scarleteen Safety Plan