Religion and Sex

[Tommy, Tommy]

Is it normal for me to want to have a relationship with a girl that goes beyond friendship? Also, I want to have sex before marriage, but I can’t because of my faith. is it normal for me to want to have sex before marriage? How do I balance my faith with wanting to have sex before marriage, as well as a urge to masturbate?

Also: I want to masturbate, but I can not because of my faith/religion.

FYI: I’m Catholic

Any Advice?

[Sam W]

Hi Tommy,

Glad to see you on the boards! Picking up where you left off on text, did you get a chance to read that article and what it said about faith and masturbation? Any thoughts about it?

It's completely common and okay to want a romantic or sexual relationship with someone. Is there a particular girl you're interested in dating (after all, you can date someone without being sexual with them)?

[Heather]

Might you also say some more about how you feel about your Catholic faith? For instance, is it something you have chosen for yourself because you feel like it's right for you, and aligns with who you are, want to be and your beliefs, or is it something someone else chose?

Do you feel like you benefit from your faith, so any sexual restrictions that are either part of your faith as doctrine, or that you're assuming are (or are making such for yourself) feel like something you're okay with for the ways your faith benefits you and your life?

[Tommy, Tommy]

Might you also say some more about how you feel about your Catholic faith? For instance, is it something you have chosen for yourself because you feel like it's right for you, and aligns with who you are, want to be and your beliefs, or is it something someone else chose?

Do you feel like you benefit from your faith, so any sexual restrictions that are either part of your faith as doctrine, or that you're assuming are (or are making such for yourself) feel like something you're okay with for the ways your faith benefits you and your life?

My religion/faith is something I chose for myself. My parents are Catholic, but not
very religious. I go to church every Sunday alone, they go on the holidays. For many years, I was not religious. Until about one year ago, then I became very religious. I feel like the Catholic Church is right for me, I agree with them on social issues. Being Catholic is part of my identity. The Catholic Church aligns with who I am, and want to be and my beliefs.

[Tommy, Tommy]

Might you also say some more about how you feel about your Catholic faith? For instance, is it something you have chosen for yourself because you feel like it's right for you, and aligns with who you are, want to be and your beliefs, or is it something someone else chose?

Do you feel like you benefit from your faith, so any sexual restrictions that are either part of your faith as doctrine, or that you're assuming are (or are making such for yourself) feel like something you're okay with for the ways your faith benefits you and your life?

I do feel like I benefit so much from my faith. It gives me strength. It gives me peace, makes everything make sense. I feel comfortabled by my faith. As for are the sexual restrictions worth it? I know sex before marriage is a sin, that is hard to follow, especially when I would like to have sex. I have never had sex. I do want to have sex. But, I know I can’t. I have made peace with that. I don’t intend to have sex before marriage.

But, the rules on masturbation don’t make sense to me. That is much harder to follow.

To answer your question, yes, when it comes to sex before marriage, I am willing to take the sexual restrictions. But masturbation is different. I am looking into wherever or not masturbation is a sin.

[Tommy, Tommy]

Hi Tommy,

Glad to see you on the boards! Picking up where you left off on text, did you get a chance to read that article and what it said about faith and masturbation? Any thoughts about it?

It's completely common and okay to want a romantic or sexual relationship with someone. Is there a particular girl you're interested in dating (after all, you can date someone without being sexual with them)?

I read the article you sent me. I will do more research into that.

I was in a relationship, (girlfriend) but then we broke up. Here’s how:

I reconnected with an old friend (Aaliyah). Me and Aaliyah had not talked in a very long time, in the text, we agreed to date. We also agreed to meet up on Friday (Tomorrow) She texted me, after a lot of back-and-forth, that she did not want to meet up. I said fine, and that was the end of that. I then went to my local library, and saw some friends, and they said that she had told them that I was weird. There were also some other rumors that she had spread about me. Then one of them asked me if me and her were dating, I said that I couldn’t talk about that. (Because my girlfriend (Aaliyah) told me not to mention our relationship.) I then left the library, and came back 20 minutes later, when I came back, they called Aaliyah and said your boyfriend is here. Then they asked me again, after they got off the phone with her, asking if we were dating. I finally admitted that yes we were, then, they called her again. She then texted me in capitals saying that that we were not dating.

P.S: The kids at the Library said that Aaliyah (my ex-girlfriend) was dating someone else while she was dating me.

But, yes, I am hoping to reconnect with her once things have settled down.

[Heather]

Based on what you said, you sound very involved in your faith and like it's an important part of your life. I assume you go to church: have you considered having this conversation with your priest or another church leader to see what they have to contribute?

[Tommy, Tommy]

Based on what you said, you sound very involved in your faith and like it's an important part of your life. I assume you go to church: have you considered having this conversation with your priest or another church leader to see what they have to contribute?

I have thought about that, but to be frank, I can’t imagine how awkward that conversation would be. I don’t feel comfortable having that conversation, I know my parish priest really well, and I do talk to them, but when comes to stuff having to do with sex, I think It would be a really awkward conversation.

[Heather]

It might be. At the same time, just because a conversation is awkward isn't often a sound reason not to have it. You have questions specifically about managing very typical human sexuality within the confines of your faith: not only have they likely had this kind of conversation many times before, they are probably one of the best people to have it with.

Of course, if you feel afraid of reprisal or just don't think your particular leader is capable of having these conversations well, then by all means, I'd suggest you trust your gut. But if it's just about things being awkward? I'd reconsider. Many, if not most people, find just about any talking about sex awkward until they get some practice doing it, which seems to be the only real way it gets less uncomfortable.

[Tommy, Tommy]

Hi Tommy,

Glad to see you on the boards! Picking up where you left off on text, did you get a chance to read that article and what it said about faith and masturbation? Any thoughts about it?

It's completely common and okay to want a romantic or sexual relationship with someone. Is there a particular girl you're interested in dating (after all, you can date someone without being sexual with them)?

I read the article you sent me. I will do more research into that.

I was in a relationship, (girlfriend) but then we broke up. Here’s how:

I reconnected with an old friend. Me and my old friend had not talked in a very long time, in the text, we agreed to date. We also agreed to meet up on Friday (Tomorrow) She texted me, after a lot of back-and-forth, that she did not want to meet up. I said fine, and that was the end of that. I then went to my local library, and saw some friends, and they said that she had told them that I was weird. There were also some other rumors that she had spread about me. Then one of them asked me if me and her were dating, I said that I couldn’t talk about that. (Because my girlfriend (my old friend) told me not to mention our relationship.) I then left the library, and came back 20 minutes later, when I came back, they called my old friend and said your boyfriend is here. Then they asked me again, after they got off the phone with her, asking if we were dating. I finally admitted that yes we were, then, they called her again. She then texted me in capitals saying that that we were not dating.

P.S: The kids at the Library said that my old friend (my ex-girlfriend) was dating someone else while she was dating me.

But, yes, I am hoping to reconnect with her once things have settled down.

[Tommy, Tommy]

Hi Tommy,

Glad to see you on the boards! Picking up where you left off on text, did you get a chance to read that article and what it said about faith and masturbation? Any thoughts about it?

It's completely common and okay to want a romantic or sexual relationship with someone. Is there a particular girl you're interested in dating (after all, you can date someone without being sexual with them)?

I read the article you sent me. I will do more research into that.

I was in a relationship, (girlfriend) but then we broke up. Here’s how:

I reconnected with an old friend (Aaliyah). Me and Aaliyah had not talked in a very long time, in the text, we agreed to date. We also agreed to meet up on Friday (Tomorrow) She texted me, after a lot of back-and-forth, that she did not want to meet up. I said fine, and that was the end of that. I then went to my local library, and saw some friends, and they said that she had told them that I was weird. There were also some other rumors that she had spread about me. Then one of them asked me if me and her were dating, I said that I couldn’t talk about that. (Because my girlfriend (Aaliyah) told me not to mention our relationship.) I then left the library, and came back 20 minutes later, when I came back, they called Aaliyah and said your boyfriend is here. Then they asked me again, after they got off the phone with her, asking if we were dating. I finally admitted that yes we were, then, they called her again. She then texted me in capitals saying that that we were not dating.

P.S: The kids at the Library said that Aaliyah (my ex-girlfriend) was dating someone else while she was dating me.

But, yes, I am hoping to reconnect with her once things have settled down.

By old friend I mean that I had not connected with her in a while.

Also, could you remove her name from the chat?