I don't know what to do about this...

[milkybarlife]

Hi, I'm really sorry if this is so off-topic from the website but I have no idea where to ask, and I do frequent this forum often (even as a lurker).

My partner and I moved into a new flat a few months ago, and we live in a big city so the place we were in before was absolutely terrible and surrounded by 'junkies' and what not, whereas this flat is a 'social housing' system where basically only people earning a certain amount can apply and get the place. In short, it's a super nice area, we live right in front of a lake, it's clean, has security, like everything's great about it. People walk their dogs here and are 'upstanding citizens'.

So we didn't expect that in our bedroom there would be such an overwhelming smell of weed so often. If it were really once in a blue moon, I wouldn't care that much, but the smell of weed permeates the bedroom (and particularly the en suite toilet there) so badly that it lingers and makes me feel sick.

This smell doesn't show up ANYWHERE else in the whole flat, not even in the other main bathroom that we have. Only in our bedroom, and mainly coming from our en-suite.

I wanted to ask - do you think this means that the next door neighbour we share this wall with is the person smoking weed? I find it hard to imagine, because she's a nice woman who I've seen going to yoga etc, it's hard to imagine that it's her smoking this amount of weed which could be so strong, and yet it's the only place my flat is affected. If it were from underneath the flat or above, wouldn't it permeate other areas too?

And secondly... I wanted to ask if smelling this would affect me? I suppose I could deal with the smell if there are no effects, for example trying to use strong air fresheners or incense or something. But I remember when I was a teenager and I was actually in the presence of someone smoking weed (in the same room) for a while, it did have a negative effect on me. So I'm wondering if that can still happen even though there's no actual smoke, and it's just the lingering smell.

The other reason I strongly feel it must be my neighbour is that, sometimes the bedroom does not smell and I leave the flat and can smell the weed in the area outside where the lift and stairs are. In these cases, I can tell immeditely it's coming from below a few floors, in another side. In these cases my bedroom, and any part of my flat, does not smell at all. So when the bedroom smells.. it must be her right? She's the only neighbour on that side. (just from the position of the flat)

Is it a good idea to like leave a letter in her door? Like asking if she does in fact smoke it, then to try and smoke it at least in another room?.. It's not like I'd want to tell on her, I don't mind who smokes, I just don't want it coming into my bedroom where I smell it all night. It is illegal in the UK, and it would obviously also be a violation of the contract for renting in this apartment building too, but it's not that and I don't want to get anybody in trouble if it is in fact not affecting me. I just want the smell to not come in my bedroom. I hate not realising, and then when I get up to pee and come back, suddenly the smell hits me in the face. Surely, that's not fair! Us having to sleep through it all night and all morning. I mean what could she be doing? Smoking in the night on a weekday!?

Sorry again for this very off-topic question, but really need to know whether this is could have an affect on us.

P.S. we live in the UK.

[Heather]

It's okay to go outside the whole of what we do sometimes.

So, for sure, if the smell seems to be coming from next door, it's probably because the person next door is smoking it. How she looks or appears to you as a person really doesn't tell me if she smokes or not, because all kinds of people do, whether that's about recreational use or it's about medicinal (which can mean someone smoking it at any hour, or even all the time) or other uses.

You aren't likely at any risk of ill effects, but I do think it's okay to make a polite ask about smells that bother you in buildings, especially when they're so strong they're coming into your space. I think leaving a note under the door that's something to the effect of, "Hey, sorry if this isn't you, but there's a very strong marijuana smell that keeps winding up in my flat, and it's really bothering me. If it is you, can you change up where you smoke, open a window, or maybe switch to using a vaporizer so the scent isn't so strong in my space? Thanks!"