Giving up

[kreed95]

I posted about a year ago about me and my fiancé and how was I got to tell him I was raped. Well I told him I was and he was supportive at the time. Little did I know 3 months later would begin a world wind of things. He became very controlling over me. Showing up at my work when I wouldn't answer his calls. Coming from a lifeguard I cant have my phone on me and there are obvious reasons why. Than he started staying what I could wear and couldn't wear. and now that we have been engaged for a year I don't work because I'm afraid he is going to turn violent at my work. I don't even walk my dogs because he has kicked my female and broke her leg. So I stay in my house unless he needs me to see him. Last year I had to work on his birthday and I payed for it. And I already know I'm going to have to work this year on his birthday. I am terrified to tell him. Than this summer while working I broke my ankle. and he is constantly telling me that if I was pleasing him instead of somebody else that I would have never gotten hurt to begin with. Than in August in took it to a whole new level and began forcing himself on me. Ever time I'm with him he is raping me. I don't even get out of bed. my family knows how terrified I am of him and there reaction is to make me see him because I should be pleasing him in there mind. My sister has let him move in with her and her kids and husband. I had to be put on medicine cause I'm just so anxious even going out my backdoor is a event. I ended up leaving him in January but now that I am back with him the same events are happening. This time I truly have nowhere to go and I am completely lost.

[Heather]

Kreed: I am so sorry to hear this.

My very best suggestion - really, what I think is your only option when it comes to your well-being - is to get help from a domestic violence shelter/agency immediately.

Can I help you find what is closest to you so you can take this step right away? Or can you go to the DV shelter you used in the past? You and your dog are obviously in very serious danger. Your family is (goodness knows why) being completely unhelpful. You need real help from people who know how to get you safe NOW.

[kreed95]

I'm just going with the flow of things at this point. because I truly have no where to go because I have been injuried and not able to walk. and with it being my right foot I'm not able to drive to get help. So if I just go with the flow it causes me less stress because I'm doing what he wants.

[Heather]

This is not what I would advise, because of the danger you are in, and the inevitable continued escalation of abuse. I understand feeling exhausted and worn down and hopeless in this situation. I get feeling defeated. After all, that's all exactly what an abuser means to do to someone they are abusing, and it often works all too well.

If just getting through each day, where you are, still in this, is all you can do right now, all we can do is accept that and support you.

But. I am deeply concerned about you surviving this, because the pattern of abuse so typical to abuse escalating to that level is so present here (and has escalated quickly, no less). I want you to live through this. I'm not giving up on you, or on you getting to have a life where you are not being abused and living in abuse. I am concerned you may not live through this, though, if you remain in it and keep returning to it.

If at any time you change your mind about this, please know we will hop to to find you the help you need. There IS help for you, and there are safe places for you. Please let us know if you want help accessing that, anytime. <3

[Alice O]

Hey Kreed,

Glad you came back to the boards. Hope it's okay that I'm jumping in.

I want to repeat what Heather said, in even clearer terms:

We are very worried about you surviving while in a relationship or in contact with this person. As you have seen, abuse escalates. Which means that the abuse you are experiencing is only going to get worse. This is very scary because the abuse you are currently experiencing is already extremely emotionally, physically, and sexually violent. We care deeply about your physical safety and emotional wellbeing. We do not want you to be killed by your abuser. We also do not want you to live a life of being raped, stalked, controlled, harassed, house-bound, in a constant state of anxiety and terror, and having your dogs beaten.

You need real help from people who can get you safe NOW.

https://www.domesticshelters.org/al/ala ... statistics

This website has a list of what cities in Alabama have organizations for domestic violence survivors. If you click on the city, you will see what shelters and programs are offered there. Please make sure you do so in a safe and private way (for example on private browsing, when you know your abuser will not be around).

Are you able to find the one that is nearest to you?
Do you feel up for calling?
Is there anything we do to support you in getting the help you so need and deserve?

I am thinking of you Kreed and sending you a lot of love. I DO believe that you can get out of this abuse and heal and live a joyful, fulfilling life. It will take a lot of strength and bravery, but you have already shown that you have lots of that. It will also take a lot of support, and so I want you to know we are always here.