Scarleteen

I have been raped twice in my life!Once by a male doctor and another female therapist who was supposed to help me with the first rape!
So what I am questioning is whether when I start sex I will have flashbacks to being raped?Because i see it in my mind when I have sexual thoughts. So I don't want whoever I am having sex to freak out because I freeze up frozen in fear!So will I have flash back to my rapists?This really scares me!Please help!

Hi Lolool,

I'm sorry that two people who were supposed to be offering you care chose instead to abuse the power they had over you. That's absolutely not okay and, in case it's helpful to hear, none of it was your fault. Can you give me a sense of how much support you've gotten in terms of healing from the assaults?

It is possible that you might experience flashbacks when you become sexually active. That's something that some, though not all, survivors experience and if you're noticing flashbacks when you have sexual thoughts then there's a possibility that pattern could carry over into partnered sex. If it's something that you're worried about happening with a partner, it often helps to be up front about the possibility that you might freeze, and to talk with your partner about how you'd like them to respond if that happens.

Thank you I will have to remember this!This does confirm my fears though.I have to consider this now.Thank you l

You're quite welcome. Unfortunately, sometimes the fallout from sexual assault can be things that the survivor is worried about, like experiencing flashbacks during moments when they're trying to be intimate with someone they care about. It's deeply sucky and unfair, but it is a reality that some survivors face. But, working with people who are trained to support survivors and help them cope with things like flashbacks is something that can be incredibly helpful in that regard. Have you connected to a rape crisis resource or other resource for survivors since your second assault occurred? And are there other people in your life, like friends or family members, who know about the incidents and have supported you around them?

I haven't been raped since I was 10

Hi Lolools,

When it comes to getting support after sexual assault, it doesn't matter how long ago it was, you can always reach out to resources and support. Going back to Sam's questions, have you contacted any rape crisis networks or survivors resources? Is there anyone in your life you've spoken to about this?