What needs to be present for you to feel comfortable being intimate with someone?

[Sam W]

For reference, I'm referring to intimacy in the broader sense, the way we do in this article: Intimacy: The Whys, Hows, How-Nots, and So-Nots . Often, we treat intimacy and sex as the same thing, when really intimacy can take so many forms. And sometimes it can be helpful to think about what you need to present for you to feel comfortable being intimate with someone in some way.

For instance, a big piece of it for me is if I've seen the person be trustworthy in other ways. And, conversely, if they say a lot of mean things about people or seem to share information that's sensitive without much thought, that makes me really hesitant to be intimate with them.

How about y'all?

[Hollytiger]

Oh, this is a good topic to think about.

I find that before I am comfortable opening up to someone intimately, I like to see how they act around other people. Whether it's friends, family, or complete strangers. I'd like to verify whether they are simply putting on a bravado and being nice to me to get what they want, or if they are nice to everyone all-around.

If they are nice/caring to me but treat others badly, it kind of undermines my trust in their motives. Whereas if they treat everyone with respect, I know it's ok to open up to them.

I'd also like to be intimate with someone who is on the same page as I am. Meaning, we both invest the same amount of energy into each other. It's disheartening when one person is seemingly doing all of the caring and putting in more effort. I think that's important.

[bikinksterboy]

Likewise how people behave around others/honesty is a huge factor in intimacy for me, but in terms of energy levels I sometimes like when another person has a little higher energy investment as I do, because that can make me rise to that same level of engagement. Generally though being on the same page is something important to me

[Jacob]

I think also, a thing that is needed is for me to be in the right place for intimacy too.