How to not be shy in front of the girl I like?

[bestsundaydress]

Hey everyone,

So this sounds like a typical "how can I be confident in front of the person I like??" dilemma but it's a bit more complicated than that. Several months ago I met a girl at uni who I was immediately attracted to and developed a crush on, and at that same time we started getting to know each other and becoming good friends. So I've never really known her outside of a crush context - I've never been at a comfortable stage of friendship with her where I feel like I can embarrass myself, say whatever I want to etc in front of her. Now, after some months, we've become really good friends and are kind of in the same friendship circle and spend a loot of time together, and we also hook up (kinda a weird close friends w/ benefits situation). The problem I'm having is, although we are really close and talk 24/7, I still feel like I can't entirely be myself around her and it's hindering the friendship. Whenever we spent time together, although it's fun, I want to be like "I'm so much funnier/more confident than this!" I guess I'm still in a phase where I want to impress her/see her as cooler etc and am too shy to be myself around her. But she's gotten over that and is totally comfortable around me. We've even discussed this recently, and telling her all of this actually helped a bit and I immediately felt more confident afterwards. But yeah, has anyone been through a similar situation/have any advice? Thank you!

[Heather]

Hey there.

Before anything else, can I ask you if shy simply feels like or is part of who you are? In other words, would you say that part of the person who is bestsundaydress is a shy person, the same way you might say part of the person you are is, for example, the ethics you have or your body shape?

If that's murky, try this: is being shy NOT being yourself? The self you know you are: is that self shy?

[bestsundaydress]

Hey Heather, thank you for your reply. I used to be really shy and I guess would characterise myself as quite shy, especially with large groups of people. I don't know how to explain it - I'm very comfortable and confident with people who I don't feel intimidated by, and then very shy around people who I feel the need to impress basically.

[Karyn]

If shy is authentically you, sometimes or all of the time, then that's okay. If you find that you're most shy around people you feel intimidated by or feel like you need to impress, though, and this girl is one of them, it might just mean that you need a bit more time to be comfortable around her. Some people take longer with that than others; you may just need a bit more time. And, even if you are a bit quiet/shy around her, you're a shy person: you're still being you, if that makes sense. No need to try and force yourself to be something you're not. It sounds like she's very understanding, and she clearly enjoys spending time with you, so don't be too hard on yourself!