Scarleteen

Hey so my girlfriend and I have have been together over 3 years. We waited a year before we had sex I was her first she was my second. Ever since then have had amazing sex has constantly gotten more intense with time. We try new things all the time and know what each other like but she never has an orgasm or doesn't know when she has one. Yes of course she's had the shakes and quivers and all the good noises and has felt intense pleasure but she doesn't know if it's an orgasm. Like I said our sex is good depending on the day we could have sex for 30- a hour more than once if it's just us watching movies all day. And we do everything. It's not just sexual intercourse. We've both kind of looked around and a lot of sites say maturbation is the best way to figure out a girls orgasm but she doesn't masturbate. Says she doesn't have a desire to. I don't pressure her about having an orgasm. And we are really open with each other so I just don't understand why she hasn't had one or if she has had one how would she know. It's not a big deal that she doesn't have them or know. I just want to give that amazingly intense feeling of an orgasm. I want her to experience it. So bottom line how would she know if she has had one and if not how can me and herwork to achieve this experience for her. (Also she says she doesn't feel distracted or any pressure we really just started talking about her having one the past month or so. So I don't feel it's her mental state I could be wrong tho)

P.S. sorry for so much information

Hi Thatoneguy,

From some of the reactions you're describing on her part, it sounds like she may have experienced orgasm already. It's hard to know without talking to her directly how she's expecting them to feel and whether that lines up with how they often do feel. If she's curious, she can read this article and see if that sheds any light on how her body is reacting: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

While it sounds like this situation is bothering you somewhat, can you give me a sense of if she's equally bothered by it? Or is she content with how things are going and figures if she's having and orgasm that's great but if not it's not big deal?

I also want to pitch in to leave a note that none of us can actually "give" someone an orgasm, just like we can't give someone a sneeze. Like sneezing, orgasm is something our bodies just do (or don't) in response to a whole bunch of things, things that are physical, emotional and intellectual. We can, as people's sexual partners, do things they enjoy and do things that can or do result in orgasm for them, but that's it.

I think that when we think of it as something WE are doing or giving, it's easy to get in a messed-up headspace about it, and for everyone involved to feel a lot of pressure about it (even if we're not outwardly exerting it!), which certainly doesn't feel good for anyone. And ultimately, orgasm is a few seconds of pleasure. It can be a big few seconds, but that's all it is, so if your partners are experiencing pleasure the whole time you're sexual, you're already doing the things that, if they are going to orgasm, will probably get them there.

But, like Sam suggested, it also sounds to me like she is probably already experiencing orgasm, anyway.

Thank you both and to answer you heather yes she's fine with us and says she is completely satisfied and that it is not a big deal. And to answer you Sam yes I understand that there is nothing physically we can do. From what I understand yes physical have to happen but it also has to do with their mentality of it and like you said the pressure which is why I haven't tried to say to to much about it because I don't want that pressure there but like you said it could be inward but I feel me and her are pretty open so hopefully not lol and yes like both of y'all kinda asked we are happy all the way around just wanted to take it to another level. Thank you both so much and I definitely will give her the link!!