How to tell whether or not I've orgasmed (female)

[atticwife]

Hello!
I'm 17 and I'm not sure I've ever orgasmed. (I've talked to my doctor and she seems to think it's something that will come with more practice.) However, I recently got a (bullet) vibrator and masturbating feels a lot more intense. I feel like I'm getting "close" but I'm not sure what orgasming feels like so I'm not even sure what "close" means.

How do you know that you've orgasmed? What does it feel like? What does it feel like (physically) when you're close?

Thanks!

[Alice O]

Hey jellyfish,

Welcome to the boards!

I'm glad you felt comfortable checking-in with your doctor about this. It can be scary to ask adults personal questions like that! Also glad you found this resource

In general, a lot of people say that you know when you have an orgasm. So if you are not sure if you have had one, you maybe have not quite yet. But, on the other hand, something we've noticed at Scarleteen over the years is that a lot of young people base their idea of what orgasms look and feel like on porn or tv/movies, and that can set an unrealistic expectation. For example, just because you aren't SCREAMING in pleasure doesn't mean you haven't had an orgasm. Plenty of people (most people!) can orgasm silently. So sometimes people are reaching orgasm, but not realizing it because of unrealistic expectations.

I'd check out this article. I think it might help answer some questions, or at the very least, give you a bit more info! Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide.

One thing the article says is: "It's really tough to describe what an orgasm feels like. Not only does it differ from person to person, one person can experience any number of different sorts of orgasms that vary with every sexual experience, from day to day. Orgasm can feel like a tickle or a hiccup, but can also feel like a very heavy head rush or wave of dizziness through the whole body. Joani Blank once described it in a sex book for kids as feeling similar to when you really, really have to pee and then finally urinating. Overall, having an orgasm is a bit like being a balloon: your body fills up with pressure, then releases that pressure when it gets to its fullest point, much like a balloon does when it pops."

How does this line up with your experiences?

Also, one other thing I'll add is, it's often much harder to reach orgasm when we are worried about/focused on whether or not we are going to orgasm. So if that's a big-time goal for you right now, one thing that might actually help you reach that goal, is to prioritize pleasure and exploration and fun and de-prioritize orgasm for now. Does that make sense?