What is healthy?
Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2014 12:28 am
I hope this isn't too weird, but I honestly don't know where to go anymore. I have a serious problem regarding sex, and it has negatively impacted my life greatly. I am a gay man who feels that sex is extremely dirty. More specifically, I have an extreme phobia about ejaculate fluid, particularly my own. I do not have any diseases, and have been checked regularly, so it's not a fear of spreading something. I just feel extremely dirty. So much so, that I have not been able to touch anything below my chest without scrubbing with soap and water. I have not used my pockets in about 3 years. I'm afraid there might be ejaculatory fluid that seeps out, either by itself or mixed with urine. For example, one time I had to pick something off the ground and my knee touched my chest. I did not have time to go home and shower because of a law school exam, so instead of pulling a shirt over my head risking further contamination, I cut myself out of a cashmere sweater. Sometimes these thoughts and compulsions drive me to tears. I guess what I am asking, is it normal to ejaculate and then go into public without a shower? Would you be able to touch your pants or use your pockets? I'm not talking about skipping hand washing, just everything else that follows. If I were to have sex at someone's house, I would have to wash every item of clothing or use a Lysol wipe. I would then have to shower, washing credit cards, keys, phone (life proof), and anything else I touched. I would then have to Lysol the car, door handles...etc. this is so exhausting, and hinders my life with other people. I sometimes don't even want to get out of bed. I am typing this message on an ipad I've designated as dirty/irreparable because I leave it in my bedroom. I do want to stress that there are no issues of self harm, I just want to live happily. Please help. Thank you.