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What is healthy?
What is healthy?
I hope this isn't too weird, but I honestly don't know where to go anymore. I have a serious problem regarding sex, and it has negatively impacted my life greatly. I am a gay man who feels that sex is extremely dirty. More specifically, I have an extreme phobia about ejaculate fluid, particularly my own. I do not have any diseases, and have been checked regularly, so it's not a fear of spreading something. I just feel extremely dirty. So much so, that I have not been able to touch anything below my chest without scrubbing with soap and water. I have not used my pockets in about 3 years. I'm afraid there might be ejaculatory fluid that seeps out, either by itself or mixed with urine. For example, one time I had to pick something off the ground and my knee touched my chest. I did not have time to go home and shower because of a law school exam, so instead of pulling a shirt over my head risking further contamination, I cut myself out of a cashmere sweater. Sometimes these thoughts and compulsions drive me to tears. I guess what I am asking, is it normal to ejaculate and then go into public without a shower? Would you be able to touch your pants or use your pockets? I'm not talking about skipping hand washing, just everything else that follows. If I were to have sex at someone's house, I would have to wash every item of clothing or use a Lysol wipe. I would then have to shower, washing credit cards, keys, phone (life proof), and anything else I touched. I would then have to Lysol the car, door handles...etc. this is so exhausting, and hinders my life with other people. I sometimes don't even want to get out of bed. I am typing this message on an ipad I've designated as dirty/irreparable because I leave it in my bedroom. I do want to stress that there are no issues of self harm, I just want to live happily. Please help. Thank you.
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Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: What is healthy?
Hi witsend,
What your describing is something that is kind of out of our scope of things we can help you with. When an anxiety or fear of contamination is this severe, that's something that needs to be dealt with with the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. Do you know what type of mental health resources you have access to?
What your describing is something that is kind of out of our scope of things we can help you with. When an anxiety or fear of contamination is this severe, that's something that needs to be dealt with with the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. Do you know what type of mental health resources you have access to?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.