Possible First Time Soon?

[ArachnidJay]

Hi, I'm Arachnid! so recently I had a talk with a friend I am very close with and we discussed the possibility of having sex. We know that neither of us has romantic feelings for the other and we have discussed how we are both comfortable with the idea. I trust him a lot and I know especially well that he will respect me (I am nonbinary and I also have a hard time staying aroused, and he will stop if i'm not feeling it anymore). But despite all this I'm still nervous! I mean, what am i supposed to do? just text him like "hey do you want to have sex?", should I shave? it's all stuff i haven't done before! I'm fine with having sex, it's the lead up and my inexperience that worries me! I guess i'm asking for advice on what I should do that will make our first time go smoothly as possible. Like what kind of prep is a good idea, what is the easiest way to make sure we won't accidentally hurt each other, stuff others wished they knew about before they had sex for the first time.

[Heather]

Hey there Arachnid. Welcome to the boards!

This sounds like a great and wanted opportunity, that's awesome.

Honestly, there are no shoulds here. Like, you can shave if you want to or not if you don't: there aren's -- there sure aren't supposed to be anyway! -- styling requirements for sex. And if you want to initiate sex over text, you can do that, or you can do that a different way if you prefer. So much of what you do here is just about what you want, what feels right and good for you, including what you need to be able to feel as excited as you feel, but still relaxed and not anxious.

First times -- whatever they are, be they one kind of sex, *any* kind of sex, being with a new partner for the first time -- are super individual and unique, as is what someone wants from them. But in the most basic way, you want to just have the supplies you need for safety for anything you think you might do (lubricant, condoms and latex gloves can cover most of your bases), that you do a lot of communicating and being gradual with things throughout so you're sure no one is getting hurt and everyone is feeling good, and establishing good ground rules together from the front by talking first. What those ground rules are should include good consent basics, but can also include things each of you want uniquely, like one of you might need the other person to check in very often, and another might share that they aren't ready at all for certain kinds of sex yet, or just don't like certain things and don't want to try them.

If you cruise through the sex & sexuality and the sexual health sections of the main site (through that navigation in the upper right) and skim the titles in those indexes, you'll likely see pieces that feel like they're about what you're doing or thinking of to look at for more information.

By the way, part of what's cool about first times is being excited about them BEING first times. It's okay to be inexperienced: I mean, that's part of the experience! And being new to things means learning as you go, so don't freak yourself out thinking you somehow have to know all the right things to do: you couldn't possibly, and that's okay! You get to be new to this. I hope you can enjoy experiencing being new at this, you know?

(Congrats on the high school, by the way! I went to an arts high school in the 80s and it literally saved my life. I hope it's great for you!)