Scarleteen

Hi, I'm a 19 year old girl who is in a relationship with a guy. I'm very much sexually active & I love sex.
But the problem I have is that, everytime I go about masturbating, I feel no pleasure at all. Nothing. I insert either 1 or 2 fingers & I go around by flicking them up & down or by keep pushing them in & out. I even play around with my clit & I still feel no pleasure, but yet still I manage to cum.
However, when my partner fingers me, I get aroused & feel pleasured.
I don't know why this is happening because I love to be fingered.
Help me!!

When you masturbate, are you feeling arousal? If you aren't feeling pleasure when doing the same sorts of things that feel good to you during partnered sex, it could be that there's a lack of arousal when you're taking time to masturbate.

No I don't feel arousal... I don't feel anything.
But when someone else other than myself fingers me, I feel aroused.

Are you choosing to begin masturbating because you are feeling aroused? Or for another reason? Like boredom, feeling like you are supposed to, etc?

I choose to masturbate when I want sex but can't get it at the moment.

Help please Alice

Hi Shatz,

I wonder if it would be useful to think of masturbation as something other than a stand-in for partnered sex. If it wasn't something to do simply because partnered sex isn't available, what would it be like?

Because regardless of what which parts you stimulate and how, it's never going to feel exactly like another person is with you. However there are also lots of great things about solo-sex/masturbation that you often can't experience with partnered sex.

So I wonder how much you have explored the fact that this is a solo activity. What could that mean for you?

One area I think that is worth looking at is fantasy, and maybe if you have ever tried reading/writing erotic literature that could be something that starts making masturbation make more sense, as something that's mostly about enjoying what goes on in your mind.

Hey Jacob,
Trust me, I've been writing lots of erotica novels but I can't stimulate myself through masturbation. I've been trying for 4 years now & yet still, I feel nothing.
It's just unbelievable.
I mean, I know where my G-Spot is, I stimulate it buy I feel nothing. But when I pull out my fingers, it usually has cum over it.

I just don't feel the pleasure or even the urge to masturbate because I don't get the feelings I'm supposed to get.

Hi Naughty_Shatz,

You describe your standard way of masturbating in your first post, so something that may be worth trying is varying the ways you masturbate even more. Too, if you haven't already tried doing so, introducing sex toys into the mix could increase your enjoyment as well.

I think what Jacob was getting at was, when you masturbate do you fantasize or do things that make you mentally turned on?

Hello Sam,
I've never tried sex toys so I will try it.
& yes, when I masturbate I have to fantasize about the things I want my boyfriend to do to me to mentally turn me on.

Got it. Sounds like you've got some next steps to try! In case you're in a location where sex toys from a store are not an option for you, you can check out this article for ideas on how to safely D.I.Y them:
D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition

Also, I wanted to share this article that we recently published with you, since it covers some of the concerns you brought up in your first post: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... sturbation