Scarleteen is closed for the next two days, so that's Thursday, October 31st (for Halloween) and Friday, November 1st (for Diwali). We'll be back and able to answer your questions on Saturday. Catch you soon!

"just the tip"

Questions and discussion about sex and sexuality in political or community beliefs, principles, actions, policies, experiences, messages and media.
al
not a newbie
Posts: 390
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 10:17 pm
Age: 31
Awesomeness Quotient: I make zines!
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Colorado

"just the tip"

Unread post by al »

I came across something the other day on social media that really bothered me - it was an image shared by a prominent instagram account run for and by masculine-of-center people of color, most of whom identify as dykes/butches/bois/genderqueer in some way. The image (I guess you might call it a meme) said:
"Let me just kiss it" is the lesbian version of "just the tip"
Underneath, it said something like, ^^no lies detected!! :lol: :lol:

It took me a second to figure out what exactly it meant, and once I did, I was left with a really sour taste in my mouth. To break it down a bit, it was asserting that "just the tip" is something that a male might suggest to his female sexual partner, and then once he's inserted a bit, he tries to progress or push for full intercourse, and that "let me just kiss it" is the lesbian equivalent, except with oral sex. I wasn't even familiar with this concept in the first place - is this a common joke among straight people? (Not that PIV sex can only happen between straight people, mind you).

The whole thing felt so gross - the idea of proposing a sexual activity to try to get someone to go further than what they originally agreed to feels so manipulative. I mean, it is manipulative. And I was even more disappointed that this was coming from a page run for and by black and brown queer and trans people (read:woke?), who I would hope would have a better understanding than most of how misogyny and rape culture are intimately intertwined, and how healthy, respectful communication doesn't involve coercion. I thought about commenting on it, but there were about a dozen people already in the comments agreeing and responding positively, and I got overwhelmed at the thought.

Does the frustration I feel towards this post and/or this page make sense?
Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it. -Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9687
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: "just the tip"

Unread post by Heather »

There's not enough "not cool, man" in the world for this. :(
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic