Scarleteen

I'm 17 years old, but I know I've been attracted to bondage since somewhere around 8-11. I know my limits, expectations and desires. I know that I'm not the only one, but my current youth isolates me from others as young as me and I feel lonely. I've been trying to reach out to others that I have feelings for, but they don't seem to feel the same about me. It's hard watching others at school find their partners while I'm left to sit on the sidelines. I'm not new to this either, this has been in my life since I started 8th grade and I'm now a Junior. It's just tiring to repeat this over and over. At times only becoming more frequent, I feel that I relate to Frankenstein's monster in the sense that we both lack a soulmate in this life. I'm realistic enough to know that a relationship starting at this age would likely not last, but even that would be better than never having one during this fading youth of mine. At this point, sexual activity is of small concern compared to the desire to have someone to hold and cherish in the time that I have. Is this here a plea to be answered, or a confession whose secret nature I have lost interest in maintaining.

Hi Stusk,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so isolated and lonely. It may help to know that, while it might feel like everyone else already pairing off and having relationships, the reality is more that there are plenty of people in the exact same situation as you. While there's this cultural narrative that everyone has had at least one romantic relationship before they leave school, we know that there are plenty of people whose dating lives do not follow that timeline. I say all that not to dismiss how you're feeling, but to give you a way to reframe some of those feelings about your "fading youth."

Would it be helpful to brainstorm ways you could meet people, or ways that you could approach things like having crushes? Is there something else that would be helpful to talk about right now?