Freaky Ideas

[Naughty_Shatz]

I am in a happy relationship with lots of enjoyable sex.
However, I have lots of fetishes that I am afraid to ask out of from my partner.
I mean, we have great communication as i will do anything he asks of me, but I am just afraid to ask him to do me the things I like.
I Love to receive oral & I love having to play around with girls once in a while. He knows I would love to do a girl but I'm just afraid to ask him to do those stuff with me.
I don't know what to do. Should I go about getting it secretly, or try to make things work.
Help!!

[Mo]

I wrote an advice column recently that touches on how to talk with a partner about exploring kinks or fetishes in a relationship, you can check that out here for some thoughts on how to bring these things up with your partner. I wouldn't recommend trying to explore these things in secret; if you and your partner have any sort of agreement to be monogamous, it's best to honor that agreement and talk with him about how you're feeling. You'd still have to talk about your desires with someone if you tried to explore them with someone other than your existing partner, so I think it's best to start there, so you aren't breaking any relationship agreements you may have.

It sounds like he at least knows you have some level of interest in some things, like having sex with women, so there may be a natural conversation starter there where you remind him that you've mentioned certain fantasies and say you're interested in exploring some of them for real.

[Naughty_Shatz]

Thanks a lot Mo.
You have been very helpful.

But everytime I want to speak to him about it, it's not that easy for me. I'm afraid.
But I will surely try.

Once again, thank you.

[Alice O]

Hey Naughty_Shatz,

Totally! It can be really scary when make ourselves vulnerable to people who we are close to. It requires a lot of bravery, which I know you have!

Sometimes it helps to write things out before chatting with the other person. To get your thoughts organized and/or to have something to refer to/read off of. Does that sound helpful?

Also, I saw in your first post you said that you will do anything he asks of you. So clearly he is articulating his wants/needs. My guess is he'd love to hear what you are thinking about--people usually want to know what the people they care about are wanting/needing! And if for some reason he doesn't want to hear...well then that's on him, and is a whole different conversation.

[Naughty_Shatz]

Thanks a lot Alice.
That was very helpful.

I always write out what I want to tell him, but when I'm with him, I'm afraid to speak about the topic.

But you were very helpful & I shall still try this out.