Cultural or community ideas about sex where you live

[Heather]

We're lucky to have a very diverse readership, including when it comes to location. Our users are from all over the world, and we love having the diversity of experience and thought that provides.

We also love how what users tell us and other users about the sexual ethos, ideas, laws or policies where they live can really give everyone a rich education on how universal ideas about sex and sexuality aren't, and how different things can be from one nation, area or community to another.

So, where do you live, or what kind of community are you part of? And what have you found are some common ideas, beliefs, values, laws or policies about sex, sexuality or sexual relationships there, be they -- in your own view -- positive, negative or neutral?

To give you an idea of what I've got in mind, I'll start:
I currently live in: Washington State, in the United States.

I didn't grow up here, but it's a pretty amazing place in a lot of ways when it comes to these issues. Washington state, for instance, has some of the best policies anywhere in the world, let alone the US, when it comes to reproductive health and rights. We do have state funding for abortion here and prenatal care, and there are not restrictions for minors when it comes to parental notification or permission for abortion, contraception or sexual healthcare. We have a state program which allows minors, or those who are low-income or uninsured or underinsured, to get both pap smears and any form of contraception they want -- or more than one, like say, both an IUD and condoms -- for free. We have excellent laws that protect the right to choose as well as the safety of those who work in abortion services.

We also have marriage equality here, but also do not have common-law marriage, which means that people of any stripe who choose not to get married can live together as long as they want without the state deciding they are married for them.

We have some policies which mandate accurate sex education, and much of the state primarily uses a curriculum called FLASH, which is pretty darn excellent. Our age of consent laws are pretty relaxed, too. Our legal policies when it comes to sexual abuse and assault are pretty stringent and our domestic/interpersonal violence laws and policies are pretty good, though, IMO, they could still use some improvement as we do have high rates of DV here, particularly in the rural areas of the state.

We also have some pretty good youth rights policies here and some good youth helps. For instance, young people in the foster system here have a few different colleges they can choose to attend tuition-free!

[ratperson]

I live in Pennsylvania, United States.

We have marriage equality, but there's a lot of backlash about it, even now. We have legal abortion, but so much of the state is pro-life it isn't funny. PA is mostly raging Republicans (not stereotyping, they just have the loudest voice in most things), so it's difficult for people who disagree with them to be heard. They've tried shutting down Planned Parenthood places, many schools around here have poor sex ed, teen pregnancy cases are looked down upon, adoption is generally scorned as 'second best', but heaven help you if you decide you don't want kids, because everyone should perform their duty to God by raising children. --' It's not fun, but then again, we have marriage equality and abortion isn't as restricted here as it is in some other places in the US, so I suppose I'm pretty lucky.

[DulceDiva]

Sex ed is taught in middle school & high school. I skipped sex ed in middle school ( my choice) & it wasn't taught during my freshman year of hs.

[zeitvogel]

One thing I like about Finland is the sauna culture, even though I don't participate in it much. Most families have a weekly sauna together, some groups of friends do the same, and parties and summer trips often include sauna. In less private events such as office parties etc the sauna is usually gender-segregated, at least in the sense that there is a time slot reserved for women.

Sauna is usually done fully nude, and the bathing/showering and changing areas are communal. It's also supposed to be holy -- no talking about work or politics or sex. These are traditions, not strictly enforced. Foreigners can use a towel if they want to

One result of this is that people grow up in an environment where nudity is mostly not sexual, and they also grow up seeing what real people look like naked. This leads to a lot more comfort around bodies, both their own and other people's. It's not a utopia -- I still see the usual sorts of shaming and gender policing, especially among older teenagers, but there does seem to be much less anxiety around sex and beauty.

[Keda]

I used to find Finnish sauna culture appealing, until I found out about the whole leave-the-sauna-and-immediately-cover-yourself-in-fresh-snow-for-the-lulz thing.

I've tried to answer this question a bunch of times, and I really can't, because attitudes to sex have always come far more from the social circles I'm in than the place I'm living. I guess that's probably characteristic of British attitudes to sex - sex and sexual morality, for the most part, are seen as a private thing, none of anyone else's business (with the usual exception of family). Sexual behaviour that's considered 'out of the norm' gets giggles and gossip, but that's more out of a nosy enjoyment of manufactured scandal than any real condemnation.

This has good sides - we've had same-sex civil unions since 2005, and I believe the only reason why we didn't get same-sex marriage until last year is because same-sex couples are a small voting bloc; it means that decisions about sex, contraception, abortion etc. are mostly considered the deciders' business alone, and so don't tend to suffer from outside interference to the extent that they can in other cultures (British Christians also don't tend to tell non-christians off for making "unchristian" sexual choices, either, which is nice - unless, as above, you're related to them...); and it means that politicians having affairs or coming out as not straight is blindingly uninteresting to most people - I've never understood why some cultures (not just the US, either! Belgium is like this too*) put such value on the sexual conduct of their political leaders.
It has bad sides too: sex education is a topic avoided by all, because nobody wants to try to broker an agreement on what all teenagers should learn about sex, because the general feeling is that that's really up to the parents; it fosters an attitude in which you must. not. talk. about. sex, and even in the more liberal communities I've been part of, sex talk is generally vague and, well, general. It can also encourage a tendency to turn a blind eye to sexual assault or violence, because it's "not really my place to say".


*A few years ago there was a HUGE scandal in Belgium, because a mayor had been caught on camera having sex. She was in a hotel suite, having sex with her husband, and a journalist had used a barely-legal telegraphic lens to take the photos through their top floor window.

[IceResurfacer]

I grew up in a small rural town in Canada, and my parents have taken me to a protestant church every week for 18 years (unfortunately not a LGBT-supportive church like UCC), and I think the beliefs about sex are misogynistic and homophobic (and probably racist too since the community is very white-exclusive). Some of the women I looked up to would sheepishly say that they aren't feminist because they think it would mean hating men (ugh, no, it wouldn't.). There are always posters for anti-choice/forcing pregnancy on people, in the churches I go into. I notice nobody knows what to say when I talk about transgender rights, except if one of the pastors said something misinformative like "trans people regret their transitions and almost always want to die after trying to become their gender." They victim-blame LGBT people for experiencing oppression that society doles out on LGBT people. They still taught my class in Elementary school that people with vulvas will hurt for their first time in sex, and they talked a lot about "wet dreams" for people with penises, but I don't remember them talking about masturbation being an option for people with vulvas.

(all the things so far have been negative, but here's some positives:)

Trans rights activists worked hard so trans men and women can have their gender on their birth cirtificate without having to have surgery! (source: http://www.edmontonjournal.com/Alberta+ ... story.html)

Also in recent years, people in one of the major cities (Edmonton) have been doing awareness campaigns against sexual assault by putting up posters that call out abuse.

Same-sex marriage is lawfully allowed in Canada as of 2003-2005, although my province Alberta fought against it.

[Atonement]

I recently moved to Houston.

While Texas in general does pretty badly with these issues, Houston has been drastically more open and diverse than any other city I've lived in here. Everyone seems pretty accepting, and we even have an openly lesbian mayor.

The bad thing is, we're still subject to all the other state laws. While I think marriage equality will happen, they're certainly dragging their feet. And reproductive rights here have gotten downright scary. I think Houston is probably one of the few places to still have abortion clinics open.