Was I sexually assaulted?

[Jrobbie46]

About 2 years ago I started dating someone new. During the first time we were intimate, he asked if I had ever orgasmed and I said no. He said he wanted to make me but he would have to touch my vagina. I said I didn’t want that, but he forced his hand down my pants and I tried to get him off of me. Once he started touching me I gave up. For the next year and a half we had a lot of encounters like that. A lot of times I would say stop or I’m uncomfortable, and he would either beg me, make me feel guilty, or just touch me without caring about my answer. Lately I had another experience like this with someone new and I can’t stop wondering if I was sexually assaulted in the past. We never had sex, but he would touch me when I didn’t want it. Was I sexually assaulted or am I being dramatic. Please help me

[Heather]

I'm so sorry that this person did this to you, Jrobbie, and I'm especially sorry it went on for so long. Absolutely, you are describing sexual assault and a sexually abusive relationship, period. You are not being dramatic. You're an abuse and assault survivor: what happened to you was real, and you've every right to call it what it was.

Knowing that, how can we help and support you from here? We're happy to talk about any part of this you want or need to, as well as to help you find in-person help and resources, if you like.

[Jrobbie46]

I’m not sure what to do. All of the sudden I feel scared, ashamed and sad. I live with room mates from my university and I have been really needy lately, I’ve been scared to be alone and to leave the house. I have felt so overwhelmed I have not been keeping up with school work and have considered doing some dangerous things to cope with how I feel. Recently, one of my room mates told me that I was burdening her and our other friends. Now I feel sad and scared, and also alone and unloved. I have barely left my bed in days. I can’t stop crying. I’m not sure what to do

[Heather]

Thanks for filling me in on all of that. Sexual assault/abuse absolutely often has the kinds of impacts it's having on you, and it is unfortunately also very common for it to really disrupt things like college or jobs. The ways that you are feeling are also all very common, and I'm sorry it's been such a struggle. It can feel particularly terrible to have all those feelings and also feel like we need a level of support from others that we feel ashamed of.

I'm also really sorry your roommate said that to you. By all means, people all have limits and get to have them, but they don't have to be jerks about it. It's okay you need things, and it's good you're seeking out support. That's good self-care and survival skills. But obviously at least one of these people aren't the right fit, and maybe none, if you feel like getting it from them makes you feel bad instead of better. I'm so glad you've come here and I'm so glad you have the courage to be honest. <3

It sounds to me like you could probably benefit from some real help right now, and perhaps ideally help that is connected to your school, as that kind of help can also often involve helping you make sure you get the support needs you have met and also get help finding a way not to have this derail your studies and course. Do you know anything about your university's sexual abuse/assault support services or general mental health services?